


How to Save A Life

by Cadburytrooper96



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: And Simon being Jace's rock, And Simon wants to give them to him, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Jace Wayland, Bisexual Simon Lewis, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace Wayland helping Simon see that he also deserves to be loved and chosen first, Jace being unexpectedly soft around Simon, Jace only sees Clary as a friend nothing more, M/M, Protective Simon Lewis, Suicide Attempt, The Seelie Queen with her shitty seelie ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadburytrooper96/pseuds/Cadburytrooper96
Summary: After Simon saves Jace from making a terrible mistake, the two form an unlikely relationship. Jace learns to let his walls down and Simon teaches him that with the right person, love can make you stronger than before.Starts from shortly after By the Light of the Dawn (2x10) and continues till the end of the season.





	1. Chapter 1

Simon frowned as he watched Jace stagger by the bridge. He hadn’t seen the Shadowhunter since he’d nearly drained him and maybe he was avoiding Jace because what do you say when you nearly kill a person to save your own life and said person says they would let you? No amount of comics had prepared him for this and he didn’t know how to handle it so he’d been avoiding the Shadowhunter.  

Knowing Jace, if he attempted to talk to him now, he’d probably just insult the hell out of him or push him away but Simon waited to see what he was doing. He was walking like he’d spent a bit too much time at Hunter’s Moon and Simon felt an eerie chill of fear run through him. For some reason, all he could think of was Magnus telling him of the time when Camille helped him off a bridge and considering everything Jace had been through, he had all reason to be in that same position.  

Jace was hooking a leg over the railing and Simon was in front of him before he knew it. His eyes were red and swollen, his face streaked with tear tracks, a startling contrast to his usual snarky, cocky demeanor.  

“Alright, let’s get you home.” Simon said as he carefully wrapped his hands around Jace’s squirming body.  

“Ge’ off me.” Jace mumbled as he drunkenly tried to shove him away. He must have had a lot to drink because Simon barely budged. “Jus...jus lemme go. Jus lemme jump, please.” He slurred and Simon heaved him over his shoulder before speeding back to the boathouse, Jace struggling all the way. 

He grabbed a couple bottles of water and shoved them in Jace’s hands. “Don’t make me compel you to take those.” He said sternly and Jace glared at him before opening one of them and drinking. Simon waited till he'd drank at least half the bottle before speaking. “Jace, what’s...are you okay?” He asked lamely, regretting the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.  

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” Jace slurred. “You know, shoulda-shoulda drained me when you had a chance. Still can.” Jace waved his wrist in Simon’s face.  

“I think if I tried I’d end up drunk.” Simon said with a forced smile as he propped Jace up on his bed. “Do you want me to call Alec?” Jace emphatically shook his head.  

“N-No. He has Magnus an’ he doesn’t need m-me.” Jace said, his voice wavering. “N-No one needs me. T-There's darkness in me an’ m’ a killer an’ a murder-murderer.” 

“Jace, that’s not true.” Simon hurried to clarify. “You’re his parabtai, of course he needs you. And what about Clary? She’s your sister, she needs you.” 

“Not my sister.” Jace replied. “Valentine lied like he lied ‘bout everything.” Simon’s eyes widened in shock. He was not expecting that bombshell tonight. Simon pushed that thought away for later introspection and focused on the issue at hand.  

“W-Well, I need you.” He blurted out, surprising both of them. “After all, who’s gonna mock me and teach me how to pick up women if not you?” He said sarcastically. Jace let out a hysterical laugh which quickly turned into gut-wrenching sobs. Simon carefully wrapped his arms around the sobbing Shadowhunter and Jace immediately clung on to him, burying his face in Simon’s shirt as he cried.  

His shirt was quickly getting soaked but none of that mattered when he was faced with the sobbing man in his arms. He'd never thought to consider how Jace felt after everything and he felt guilt well up in him. The blond Shadowhunter was a dick but even he was going through tough times. Simon readjusted them till they were both lying down, Jace still hiccuping and crying into his shirt. He ran his hands through the blond's hair and as he comforted him, Simon swore he would never let it get this bad again.

* * *

 

Jace groaned as he slowly became aware of his surroundings. His head was thumping and he could feel arms wrapped around him. His leg was thrown over whoever he brought home last night and he burrowed in deeper. He didn’t really care who it was, he could figure things out when he was awake.  

The second time he woke up, he found himself alone. There was a bottle of water and a couple of pills next to him and he gladly took them.  

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” 

He turned at the sound of Simon’s voice. He had a coffee cup and a paper bag of what Jace assumed to be baked treats in his hands. “I didn’t know how you like your coffee so I just got it black but I could get some-” 

“What the hell am I doing here?” Jace said groggily. Simon’s face fell.  

“Oh. You don’t-Well, makes sense you won’t remember, you were really out of it last night.” He mumbled. Jace held out his hand for the coffee and Simon handed it over, as well as the paper bag.  

“I, um, I found you on a bridge last night.” Simon started and Jace choked on his drink. A blurry memory of him drinking as much as he could with a vague hope that he passed out and didn’t wake up came to him and he groaned. 

“Fuck. Okay, whatever I said to you last night, it was just the alcohol talking.” Jace said, sliding his mask of indifference back on. He wasn't in the mood to rehash last night and it was best if they both just forgot about it.

“Is Clary really not your sister?” Simon asked and Jace winced. Damn, how much did he tell the vampire?  

“No, she‘s not and don’t go blabbing that to everyone, I’ll let her know myself.” He snapped. “Look, I’m glad you made sure I was safe last night but I was just drunk, it’s over now and we will never speak about it again.” 

“I know you’re not okay.” Simon persisted and Jace groaned internally.  

“Look, Simon-” 

“You can lie about last night but I drank your blood, remember?” Simon said. “I...felt what you were going through and emotions like that don’t just go away. I should’ve checked in earlier and I’m sorry I didn’t but you’re not okay, Jace.” 

“Simon-” 

“Let’s make a deal. I won’t tell anyone about your attempted suicide-” 

“I wasn’t-” 

“-if you agree to check in with me every day. And maybe see a therapist.” 

“I’m not doing that.” Jace replied in a deadpan tone.  

“Fine, we’ll work up to therapy but you have to check in with me. A-And if I feel like you’re not doing well, then we’ll...I don’t know. We’ll do something.” Simon stuttered. He had the distinct feeling he was messing up this intervention but he wasn't letting Jace leave without making sure he was okay and would **remain** okay.

“I’m not doing that.” Jace repeated just in case the vampire in front of him had suddenly lost his supernatural hearing. 

“Then I call Alec and let him know he was going to lose his parabatai last night and he pulls you from missions.” Simon said firmly and Jace cursed. He knew Alec would, he was already hovering more than usual. If Simon told him, he'd be glad if he was let out of the Institute ever again. 

“Asshole. Fine, I’ll do your stupid check-ins but you so much as breathe a word to anyone and I’ll stake you.” Jace snapped and Simon rolled his eyes before nodding in agreement.

* * *

 

 **_You ever gone go carting? - Simon_ ** 

**_What the fuck is a go-cart,_ _mundie_ _? - Jace_   **

**_Firstly, I’m a vamp now. Secondly, how have you never gone?? We have to go this weekend. - Simon_   **

**_I’m busy, take your girlfriend out. - Jace_   **

**_If you come, you don’t have to check in with me for the rest of the week. - Simon_   **

**_Fine but you’re paying. - Jace_   **

**_Deal. - Simon_   **

_“_ I think the lesson to be learned here is that no one should ever, and I mean ever give you keys to any vehicle.” Simon said as Jace bit into his burger.  

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad.” Jace whined. 

“You crashed into me like, five times.” Simon continued. “For all that Shadowhunter gracefulness, you’re pretty useless behind a wheel.”  

“Well, I’m sorry my skills are honed only for killing demons.” Jace said sarcastically and Simon laughed. “Should you have been doing that anyway? What if a crash happens and you go up in smoke?” 

“Careful there, I might start to think you care about me.” Simon murmured and Jace scoffed.  

“You wish, mundie. I just don’t want Clary and Raphael on my back if I get you killed.” Jace shot back. Simon let out a small laugh and the duo sat in comfortable silence for a few more moments before he spoke up again.  

“Speaking of Clary, when are you going to let her know?” Simon asked. Jace guiltily swallowed his mouthful of food. He’d been avoiding doing it and he knew Simon would bring it up sooner or later. “If you want me to tell her, I can.” Jace immediately shook his head.  

“No, she should hear it from me. I just...” His voice trailed off. How could he say that he didn’t want to tell her because for a little while he’d let himself believe he had a family? That for a little while, he believed he had someone who shared the same blood as he did? How could he say that for a moment he thought...he thought he had someone who would love him without any strings attached? 

“You don’t want to let go, do you?”  

Jace looked up at Simon in surprise. It was uncanny how well the vampire knew him. Not even Alec could tell him this well.  

“I’ve been in here, remember?” Simon said softly, reaching out to gently tap Jace’s temple as he took in the Shadowhunter’s surprise. “Want to talk about it?” He asked and Jace shrugged.  

“You already know, I don’t see what we have to talk about.” He replied reluctantly, taking another bite of his burger.  

“Just cause I guessed doesn’t mean I know how it feels.” Simon said gently. “You don’t have to but...if you wanted to, I’m all ears.” Jace sighed. He might as well. He already spoke to Simon about how he felt on a daily basis, why not this as well? 

“Clary deserves to know and I want to tell her, I do.” He said in a voice barely above a whisper. “I just want to be selfish for once in my life. He took my parents, my childhood, sometimes I think he took my soul right with him but for a little while, he gave me Clary. He gave me a sister and I just want to hold on to that for just a bit longer.” He blinked against the sudden burn in his eyes and hastily wiped his eyes.  

“I should go. This was nice, Simon. Thank you.” He said, avoiding the vampire’s eyes. Jace activated his speed rune and sped off back to the institute. He half expected Simon to follow but he didn’t and while he was grateful for the vampire giving him some space, a part of him also wondered why Simon would leave him alone. He threw himself into training, determined not to let thoughts of Valentine get to him. It wasn’t until he’d decided to retire for the night that he got a response.  

 **_I don’t think it’s selfish to want a family but I think you’re forgetting that you already have one. You have Alec, Izzy, Clary, Magnus and I._ _Also_ _Alec’s parents even though they can be...difficult. Yeah, we’re not family by blood but we hang around because we like you not because we feel obligated to. You’re an ass but you’re our ass and that makes all the difference. Don’t ever forget_ _that._ _\- Simon_ ** 

Jace smiled to himself as he read over Simon’s words. Simon’s words were exactly what he needed to hear and somehow, he knew the vampire knew that. He would never let him know but he was beginning to enjoy having the vampire in his life. 

* * *

 **_She knows. Valentine made me tell_ _her._ _\- Jace_ ** 

Simon’s eyes widened as he read over Jace’s text. He knew they’d captured the asshole and a part of him feared this would happen. He’d said nothing, it wasn’t his secret to tell but he could only imagine how upset Clary would’ve been. Remembering the state he was in just a few weeks ago, Simon raced over to the institute.  

“Hey, do you know where Jace is?” Simon asked, bumping into Alec.  

“Probably on the roof, I’m just going to go grab him, Izzy’s missing.” Alec said distractedly, already walking past him.  

“Why don’t I go get him?” Simon said, jumping in front of the dark-haired Shadowhunter. “If Izzy’s missing, we can’t waste any time. I’ll go grab him and you can go get a team ready or whatever it is you do.” Alec eyed the vampire warily before nodding. Izzy was his main priority right now, especially considering the state she was in when he left and he wasn’t planning on telling Simon what they were going to do.  

Simon sped off, hoping he got to the roof before Jace did something crazy, like jumping off. Thankfully, Jace was still in one piece by the time he got there. His back was turned to him and Simon carefully approached the Shadowhunter.  

“Hey. Alec sent me up here, apparently Izzy’s missing.” He said gently. Jace remained still and Simon stopped a few feet from him, not wanting to crowd the Shadowhunter. “Jace, are you okay?” A few seconds passed before Jace turned around and Simon felt sympathy shoot through him as he took in Jace’s teary eyes.  

Jace’s bottom lip quivered and Simon was pulling him into his arms before he could even think about it. “It’s alright. You’re alright. I’ve got you.” He murmured repeatedly as Jace fell apart in his arms.  

* * *

Simon blinked sleepily as his phone rang. “Who is it?” Clary mumbled sleepily. Simon squinted at the screen before his eyes widened.  

“Uh, it’s just...Becky. Go back to sleep.” He said, smiling as Clary snuggled deeper into the blankets. He planted a quick kiss on her forehead before leaving the bed and picking up.  

“Are you okay?” 

“Jesus, Lewis. You make it sound like I’m on the edge of death every time we speak.” 

“Considering your job, it’s a valid assumption. What’s up?”  

“Just...had a really eventful day. I’m sure Clary told you all about it.” 

“Yeah, I heard about the whole thing with Magnus. Is he okay?” 

“I hope so. Alec’s staying with him. He suspected something and I told him Valentine was probably lying about it and...he would’ve lost Magnus if he listened to me.” 

Warning bells began to ring in Simon’s head.  

“It wasn’t your fault. Valentine’s a fucking liar and you just guessed wrong this time. Jace, where are you?” 

“Relax, I’m not about to throw myself off a building. Actually, I’ve got some pretty serious news. Are you free tomorrow? It’s alright if you’re not, we don’t have to-” 

“Firstly, you telling me that doesn’t make me feel any better. Secondly, Hunter’s Moon alright?” Simon said immediately, noting the hesitance in Jace’s voice.  

“Yeah, that’s great. Thanks, Si.”  

He hung up and Simon felt a smile stretch across his face. This was the first time Jace had reached out on his own to talk with further prompting and Simon felt himself light up. It was nice to know that he was finally gaining the Shadowhunter’s trust.  

He and Clary were supposed to meet up at Hunter’s Moon later tonight anyway, so they could just meet earlier. Simon trudged back to his girlfriend and got back in bed. He hoped Jace’s news was good but even if it wasn’t, he was determined to be there for the Shadowhunter. 

* * *

 

“So, you’re royalty? Should I start calling you 'your Highness'? Or 'princess'?” 

“Try it and I swear I’ll drive something through you.” Jace shot back. 

“You’re gonna have to get in line.” Simon mumbled and the smile fell off his face.  

“Someone threatening you?” He asked, his tone coming out a bit harsher than intended. Simon blinked in surprise before shaking his head.  

“It’s just...Raphael’s been on my ass about me being a Daylighter. He tried to stake me in the Lucky Wolf and he would’ve if not for Luke.” Simon said nonchalantly. Jace fought the urge to activate his speed and strength rune and get to Hotel DuMort so he could beat up the vampire himself.  

“I kind of deserved it anyway-” 

“No matter what you did, that’s not a fucking excuse. You haven’t broken the Accords, you’re not hurting mundanes, he had no right to just...try to kill you.” His hands were trembling and he realized that they were doing so not because he was angry but because he was afraid. Simon had become the confidant he didn’t even know he needed and he was  **not**  going to sit back and watch yet another thing be wrenched from him.  

“Jace, I can take care of myself. Besides, I only have to watch out during the night, they can’t get me during the day.” Simon said stubbornly and Jace fought the urge to yell at him.  

“You’re not even...You know what, you’re training with me.” Jace decided because if Simon died then that was his sanity dying alongside with him. 

“I-I can fight.” 

“Yeah, no I’ve seen you make movements that resemble fighting but actual fighting? No.” 

“You’re just looking for an opportunity to beat me up, aren’t you?”  

“Well, if you can fight like you insist you can, I won’t be beating you up, would I?” 

“Asshole.” 

* * *

 

“Simon, please. I just want to know you’re okay. That’s all. You don’t have to speak to me ever again but I need to know you’re okay.” 

Simon sighed before opening the door to the boathouse. “What do you want, Shadowhunter? Clary’s probably by the institute, I haven’t spoken to her so you can fuck off.” Simon said, his voice rising with every word.  

“I’m not here for Clary.” Jace said firmly. “Look, I know I’m not your favorite person right now but you taught me to be there for people when they’re at their lowest and this is...kinda your lowest.” 

“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed.” Simon snapped, moving to close the door but Jace jammed his foot in and stopped him. “Why are you here anyway, I thought you’d be happy knowing Clary loves you.” Jace gave him a look like he’d gone insane.  

“Are you really going to ask me that question after everything I’ve told you? Our phone calls, our texts, the little ‘outings’ that you keep dragging me to?” 

“It’s a valid question.” 

“No, not really. I’m here because you’re low and I thought-” Jace took in a deep breath like he was steeling himself for his next words. “-I thought that we were friends and that we help each other through tough times.” 

Simon didn’t know what to say to that. He loved that Jace trusted him enough to let him in but he never thought Jace would actually be interested in his struggle. The realization was...unsettling.  

“Oh.”  

A few moments of silence passed before Jace spoke up again. “So are you going to let me in or what? Because I’m not leaving so...it’s going to be pretty awkward, both of us just staring at each other in your doorway.” 

Simon moved aside and Jace came in, already throwing his jacket off and taking off his shoes. “So, you want to watch one of your stupid mundie shows? What is it this week, Throne Games? Vampire Buddies?” 

“Are you...Are you trying to say Game of Thrones and Vampire Diaries?” Simon asked, barely suppressing his laugh at Jace’s interpretation of his shows. 

Jace gave him a look and he tried to school his features back into seriousness. “I’m actually watching something new. It’s called Being Human. It’s a series about a vampire and werewolf who move in together only to discover there’s a ghost in the house. It’s great.” 

“Sounds like the start of a bad joke.” Jace murmured and Simon couldn’t stop his laugh. “Alright, well let’s get started.” Jace headed towards his bed and Simon followed. He handed him some sweatpants because ‘those jeans might make you look cool but they do not look comfortable’ and put on the show. They ordered some pizza and the duo settled in to watch their show. They’d only gotten through two episodes before Jace spoke up. 

“I’m sorry.”  

Simon paused the show and turned towards the blond. “Hey, Clary made her choice. It’s not her fault.” He said grudgingly but Jace shook his head.  

“Not for that.” He continued. “I mean, yeah I’m sorry for that but I meant for earlier. With Inquisitor Herondale and trying to chip Downworlders. I knew it was wrong but I went along with it anyway and I’m sorry.” Simon didn’t know they were trying to chip Downworlders but honestly, he wasn’t surprised, it seemed very in tune with the Clave’s directive. 

“Why did you? Clary told me you were Head of the Institute at the time, you could’ve stopped it.” 

Jace squirmed uncomfortably and Simon waited for his response.  

“I...Imogen, my grandmother kept going on and on about how I was so much like my parents and how I was best suited for it and even though I knew she was lying, I just wanted to...make her proud, I guess?” Jace murmured and Simon felt something in him break. Jace hadn't told him everything yet but he knew he'd had a shitty childhood. The blond always seemed surprised when people genuinely liked him and was eager to please in a way that said he'd been starved of affection as a child. It made Simon want to kick something.

“Jace...” 

“I know, I know. It was stupid to think that but all I could think of was that I had a family again, actual family and I needed to do everything to hold on to it.” 

Simon reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder and was surprised when Jace let him. “Your feelings are valid.” He started softly, remembering his therapist’s words from when his dad died and his mom spiraled. “It’s completely normal to want to hold on to that after years of emotional abuse at Valentine’s hands but family doesn’t just stop at blood, remember? You have a support system in your friends if you’d just let us in. You’ve given everything to the Clave, you can let yourself have this.” 

His eyes looked shiny with tears but Jace nodded firmly and Simon gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting go. “Also, I forgive you. You made it right in the end and you recognized that you weren’t able to lead and gave the Institute to someone who could.” Simon continued. “It takes a lot to admit that, I’m proud of you, Jace.” 

Jace felt warmth spread in him at Simon’s praise. He didn’t care about a lot of people but the approval of the vampire next to him meant a lot. He could stand others leaving him but the thought of Simon doing so made his stomach twist into knots. When Simon cared about people, he put his heart and soul into. He knew he wasn’t going to find anyone else who would do the same and he never wanted to jeopardize what he had with the man. 

Jace pressed play and the two settled back to continue their show and if Jace woke up the next morning snuggled up to Simon, it was no one's business but his.  

* * *

 

Jace yanked the curtains apart, ignoring Simon’s yelp. “You’ve been ignoring me for days now so really, you brought this on yourself.” He said, turning around to face the disgruntled vampire. “Clary told me what happened, why the hell didn’t you tell me?” 

“I thought I killed a mundane. I didn’t want to put the Herondale heir in a compromising position.” Simon mumbled sarcastically and Jace tried not to show how much that hurt him.  

“Is that really how you see me? After everything?” He asked, hating how upset he sounded. Simon’s face fell.  

“No. No, it’s not. I’m sorry, that was out of line.” He said with a tired sigh. “I just...I killed someone, Jace.” Jace’s eyes widened in surprise. He made his way to Simon’s bed, his hurt feelings already forgotten. “He was the one who killed the mundane and I told him I would tell you guys and he did not take it well. He came for me and I staked him.” 

“By the Angel.” Jace said, his tone flooded with concern. He had been training with Simon with the intent that he’d be able to defend himself in this situation but he’d secretly hoped he never needed it. “I’m so sorry, how are you doing?” Simon sat up against his pillows.  

“Not well. I didn’t want to but he would’ve killed me and I feel like shit for being happy that it was him not me.” Simon said with a hint of self-loathing and Jace immediately shook his head.  

“Don’t do that. Don’t go down that road, Simon. It doesn’t lead to anywhere pleasant.” Jace said, reaching forward to hold the vampire’s hand. “It was self-defense and if I’m being honest, I’m glad that it was him not you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

The sentence surprised him but it was true. Simon had been his rock for the past couple of weeks. If he died...Jace fought back a shudder at the thought. “Yeah?” Simon said with a teasing smile and Jace gave him a playful punch on the shoulder.  

“How about we get out of here? Go get some drinks at Hunter’s Moon or something? You need some sun, you’re looking kinda pale.” He teased back and Simon rolled his eyes.  

“Ha, ha.” He replied in a deadpan tone, fighting back a smile at Jace’s words. “No, actually it’s Yom Kippur so I’m fasting.” Jace’s brows furrowed in confusion. He liked to think he was getting better at mundane traditions but some things still threw him off.  

“It’s the Jewish day of Atonement.” Simon clarified and Jace nodded. He didn’t know what it was but he knew being Jewish was really important to Simon and he respected that. “Essentially, you don’t eat anything to atone for your sins for the past year and judging from my past year, I have a lot to atone for.” His tone ended on a sad note and Jace gave him a look. 

“Being a vampire wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t even your decision, Clary made that for you.” Jace said gently. “And drinking from that mundane, you were going through a lot. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised you didn’t drain her, I’ve seen a lot of vampires drain their victims when they’re emotionally distressed. It says a lot that you didn’t.”  

Simon smiled shyly at his words and Jace felt his stomach do something very weird at the sight of that. Tucking that feeling away in the truckload of issues he was never going to deal with, he stood up. “Alright, so what do we do for Yom Kippur? Is there some sort of ritual?” He asked and Simon laughed.  

“No rituals. Usually, you go to the temple but I’m just going to have dinner with my family. My bubbie Helen’s coming in from Florida so I have to go.” Simon said as he stood up and wandered to his closet.  

“What’s a bubbie?” Jace asked, completely confused and again, Simon laughed.  

“She’s my grandmother.” He said and Jace raised a brow. “What? Don’t you call your grandmother something special?” Jace snorted at the thought of calling Imogen Herondale ‘bubbie’. 

“You’ve met her. Does she look like someone who’d appreciate that?” He asked and Simon made a noise of agreement.  

“Fair enough. Maia doesn’t really think I should be around family when I’m upset but they’re all I have.” Simon continued. “I’m going to have to watch them grow older and die, all I want is to spend some time with them.” Jace could relate to that. They lived insane lives and sometimes you just needed some normalcy. He could also relate to wanting to be around family. Simon was a good guy, he didn’t deserve the shitty life he’d been saddled with.  

“Maia means well, Downworlders can be...testy depending on their emotions but you do need a break.” Jace said gently. “Tell you what? How about we go do something before the dinner, that way you don’t walk in looking like you’re bracing yourself for a funeral.” Simon shot him a look for his words but nodded in agreement.  

“You’re probably right.” He murmured. “Ever been in a paintball fight, Shadowhunter?” He asked. Jace shook his head.  

“Nope but whatever it is, twenty bucks says I kick your ass.” 

“You’re on.” 

* * *

 

Jace swallowed as he took in the family dinner. Simon didn’t want him to come along but he insisted because he lowkey felt like Maia was right. If Simon hurt his family, he’d be a wreck and Jace would do everything to prevent that. Unfortunately, that meant sitting through the awkwardness with Simon’s family.  

“So where did you two meet, Jace? Do you know Simon from school?” Elaine asked as they ate. Jace stuttered. He hadn’t even thought that far ahead, he’d just been focused on getting Simon through dinner safely.  

“Jace is an instructor at the school gym and we train together.” Simon said without skipping a beat.  

“You go to the gym, Si?” Becky said with disbelief and Simon scowled.  

“Excuse you, I gym.” He shot back and she made a sound of disbelief.  

“He’s actually...not bad. Still needs a lot of work but there’s an improvement.” Jace chipped in and Simon made a self-satisfied noise of triumph.  

“Oh, that’s nice.” Elaine continued. “Do you train with Clary as well? I haven’t heard from her in a while. Is she okay?” 

Jace went still, that was still a sore spot for Simon. “Clary’s...she’s good. She’s doing well.” He said nonchalantly and Elaine and Helen exchanged a look.  

“So, how’s the band?” Becky asked, cutting into the awkward silence.   

“Been good. More of a solo act right now.” Simon answered. 

“Ah, so no more fake blood glitch hop shows?” Becky teased and Jace snorted in amusement.  

“Fake blood?” He asked and Simon shot him a look.  

“Shut up.” He mumbled under his breath and Jace hid his smile.  

“So, I’m guessing you’re not Jewish.” Helen said and Simon shifted uncomfortably. Jace took in a deep breath. He handled Imogen Herondale, he could handle Bubbie Helen.  

“Mom!” Elaine exclaimed but Jace waved her away with a smile.  

“No, but I’ll convert if it means more kugel. It’s way better than the stuff at the Inst-I mean at home.” Jace replied pleasantly, glossing over his slip.  

“I like this one.” Helen said, causing Simon to chuckle and Jace felt some of his tension fade away.  

“I’m sorry.” Simon mouthed to him but Jace waved him away. Even though it was uncomfortable, having dinner at a table and sitting down to awkward questions was the kind of normalcy he’d been denied of his entire life. Being a Shadowhunter was his life but it was nice to pretend, even if for a little while. 

“So, what does your family do?” Helen asked and Jace felt his stomach sink. Why was it that no matter what he was doing, things always circled back to his family? 

“Bubbie.” Simon said in a clear warning tone and Jace shook his head. This was Simon’s family, he didn’t want him fighting with them because of his issues.  

“It’s alright, Si.” He replied putting on a falsely positive tone. “I..uh...well, I’m adopted. My parents were killed when I was a child and I was taken in by a ‘friend’ of the family who turned out to be more of an enemy than a friend.” That was the closest thing he could think of to explain the hellhole his life was.  

“I’m sorry to hear about that.” Helen said and Jace shrugged. 

“It’s alright. I was shuttled to another family and I got three amazing siblings out of it so I can’t really complain.” He said with a smile, thinking of Alec, Izzy, and Max. Simon reached out to take his hand and gave it a soft squeeze, an action that he greatly appreciated.  

“Yes, you can.” Simon murmured under his breath and Jace gave his hand another squeeze. Telling Simon about the horrors Valentine had put him through had been an experience. The vampire had been so enraged he was half afraid he would actually kill someone before he’d sat Jace down and told him that none of what happened was his fault or that he deserved it and that Valentine was the messed up one not him.  

He hadn’t really had anyone tell him that before. Yes, people were horrified when they heard what he went through but he’d never had someone sit him down and tell him that he did not deserve any of what Valentine did and that he was in the wrong not him. Hearing those words was like a soothing balm to a wound he didn’t even know he had and he’d broken down in Simon’s arms.  

“You know, I think it’s time for our Yom Kippur tradition where we share what it is we’re atoning for.” Elaine said, shaking Jace out of his thoughts. Simon went still next to him and Jace looked at him with concern.  

“Mom, come on. That’s not...That’s not really a thing.” Simon said nervously. “I mean, like, it should be private.” He said, glancing over at Jace and he was also reminded of all the shitty things he’d done this past year. 

“Well, in our family it’s a thing.” Elaine insisted before looking over at Jace. “Simon’s father started this tradition thirteen years ago and now we keep it alive in his memory.” She explained and Jace gave her a small smile. He understood the importance of traditions and honoring a person’s memory. Simon looked away at that and Jace gave his hand another squeeze. Sometimes he forgot that Simon had lost a parent too, his grief and pain always seemed to overshadow Simon’s. Jace felt a twinge of guilt at that and resolved to do more to be there for the vampire. Simon deserved to have someone he could turn to and he'd like to be there for him if he could. 

Who wants to go first?” Elaine asked and an awkward silence settled over them. “Okay, I’ll start.” She said. “Uh, the thing that I regret most from this past year is that I had a relapse with my drinking.” Jace gave her a sympathetic look. He wasn’t there for it but Alec had told him how bad things were when Izzy was addicted. He understood it was a huge struggle.  

“It was very hard on everyone and for that, I’m very sorry.” She finished sombrely. There were a few seconds of silence before she took in a deep breath and turned to Simon. “See? That wasn’t so hard. Who’s next?” She said pointedly and Jace felt Simon’s body lock up. He knew how guilt could eat you up on the inside and he hated seeing Simon go through that.  

“I’ll go.” He said impulsively, ignoring Simon’s look of surprise. “Um...this year I hurt a lot of people. My ‘foster father’ came back into my life and I...did some things under his guidance that I’m not proud of.” Jace swallowed before pushing himself to continue. “He had this...terrifying way of making you crave his approval even though you knew you would never have it and I knew that but...” Jace’s voice trailed off and he shrugged.  

“He emotionally abused you as a child. He knew what buttons to push but that’s not your fault.” Simon said gently, resisting the urge to reach out and tilt Jace’s face towards him. “That’s never your fault.” He said firmly and Jace managed a small smile at that. 

Their moment was cut short by the sound of Jace’s phone buzzing and Simon let go of his hand so Jace could dig out his phone from his pocket. 

 _Izzy and Clary are in trouble, we need you at the Institute. We think they went back to the cabin - Alec_  

Jace steeled himself against the fear that shot through him at that statement. He hadn’t been back there in years and really wasn’t looking forward to it but Izzy and Clary needed him and he’d do anything for his family. “Is everything okay?” Becky asked and Jace’s head shot up. Everyone was looking at him with concern in their eyes and he flushed.  

“It’s a family emergency, I’m so sorry.” He said as he stood up. “It was a wonderful dinner, thank you so much for having me in your home.” He said to Elaine before turning to Simon who was standing up with him.  

“I’ll walk you out.” Simon said, leaving no room for arguments and again, taking his hand.  

“It was lovely having you, I hope everything’s alright.” Elaine said with a smile with Becky and Helen echoing her sentiments. Jace waved bye before walking out with Simon. As soon as they were out of earshot, Jace dropped his air of nonchalance.  

“What’s going on?” Simon whispered, forcing him to stand still and face him. “Do you need me there?” Jace immediately shook his head.  

“No, it’s...just Izzy and Clary in some trouble. They’re back in Alicante and you do not want to be there.” He said. “Valentine escaped and I guess they tried to go back to his cabin.” Simon’s eyes widened.  

“He escaped? And you didn’t-Never mind, are you okay going there?” He asked and despite the situation, Jace couldn’t help but feel pleased with the fact that Simon was concerned about him, not Clary and where the fuck was that coming from? 

“I’ll be fine. I promise. Are you going to be okay?” He asked, referring to the dinner. He hated that he was leaving him alone but unfortunately, Valentine took precedence over this.

Simon nodded. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just stay safe, okay?” He said and Jace nodded before absent-mindedly leaning and planting a kiss on Simon’s cheek. He activated his speed rune and ran off, leaving Simon standing in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock and his hand on the spot where Jace’s lips touched. 


	2. Chapter 2

Simon sat down at the table in shock. His mind was racing at Jace’s actions. He didn’t seem to notice what he’d done which was great because he didn’t think he was ready for that conversation. Was Jace into guys now? He knew he was, he’d discovered pretty early that straight men did not go weak at the sight of Clark Kent in those tights but Jace was as straight as they came.  _ Maybe it’s just a reflex, he probably kisses Izzy like that. That’s all it is, we’re just friends, nothing more.  _

_ “ _ He seems like a really great guy, Simon.” 

His grandmother’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and he blinked at her words. “Yeah, Jace is...he’s great.” He finished lamely. 

“And pretty hot too, I saw those tattoos.” Becky teased, causing Simon to smile shyly because yes he was but he wasn’t going to admit that out loud.  “You know, I’m glad you’re over Clary.” She continued. “She’s a great person but I feel like she always took you for granted.”  _ Not wrong there. _  It was wild how everyone could see that but he couldn't.

“Becky’s right, she never looked at you the way Jace does. I’m glad you’re dating him.” His mother continued and Simon’s thoughts came to a screeching halt. 

“Mom, we’re not-He's not- There is not- ” Simon spluttered, at a loss of words. “We’re not together.” He finally landed on. Becky raised a brow. 

“You should be, you obviously adore him. We saw you holding hands.” She teased and Simon groaned. 

“Well, I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough.” Elaine said, taking his embarrassment for shyness and something in him couldn’t help but hope that maybe she was right. He’d gotten used to Jace’s dry humor and sarcastic wit and the Shadowhunter had become a significant part of his life. He was attractive, Simon’s eyes had lingered a little too long on his arms (maybe his ass too, but it's not like it's a crime) whenever they were training but he’d never even let himself think that could happen. 

_ Maybe.  _

* * *

 

It wasn’t until Jace was lying in bed about to text Simon that he’d realized what he’d done. 

He’d kissed Simon.

Sure, it was on the cheek which was probably the most chaste thing he’d ever done with a person but still. He’d kissed a guy and he hadn’t even noticed. He’d just done it like it was normal, like they did that every day. 

He didn’t know what to be more freaked out about, that he did it or that he didn't notice till hours later. He’d never dropped his guard like that with anyone. Not even Alec. He could feel the other man’s emotions but had never even thought of him in that way so what was so special about Simon?  _ Simon cares about you even though he has no reason to, he’s there for you when you need him, he lets you in like no one else does, he trusts you and you trust him. _

His mind was a treacherous wench. 

Okay, so he and Simon shared a connection but he wasn’t attracted to him. It’s not like he ever wanted to kiss the vampire. An image of Simon holding him as they locked lips came to mind and Jace was ashamed of the shiver that went down his spine. He’d slept next to him multiple times and he’d woken up wrapped around the vampire more times than he could count.  _ Fuck. This isn’t happening. This is  _ **_ not _ ** _  happening. _

He didn’t like men, that was all Alec’s territory. You couldn’t just swing from liking women to liking men, could you? Was that a thing? His phone buzzed and Jace swallowed. He knew who it was, only Simon would be texting him at this time of the night. He debated just ignoring it but he knew he’d just worry the other man.

**_ How did it go? Still in one piece? - Simon _ **

**_ Clary and Izzy are alive so I’m counting that as a win. Valentine wasn’t there but we still managed to get a lot of information. Apparently, I’m not the only Jonathan wandering around, Clary’s brother’s actually alive. - Jace _ **

**_ Holy shit. How’s Clary doing? - Simon _ **

Jace felt an irrational feeling of jealousy well up in him. Yeah, Clary was going through a tough time but Simon usually asked about him.  _ Does he still love her? _

**_ She seems pretty shaken but Izzy’s got  _ ** **_ her. _ ** **_  - Jace _ **

**_ That’s great. I should probably talk to  _ ** **_ her, _ ** **_  we haven’t spoken since we broke up. - Simon _ **

Jace glared at his phone. He wanted to make a snarky comment about how he was going through a rough time too but he didn’t want to come off as needy because he didn’t need Simon, they were just friends. 

**_ You do that. I’m off to  _ ** **_ bed, _ ** **_  it’s been a long day. - Jace _ **

* * *

 

“How do you know when a guy’s attracted to you?” Simon asked as he sat by the bar. 

“Hello to you too, Simon. I’m doing great, thanks for asking.” Maia replied and Simon gave her a sheepish look. 

“Sorry, it’s just been a long couple of days.” Simon replied. Maia gave him an unimpressed look but kept listening. “It’s just...well there’s this guy I’ve been speaking with and we’ve been talking a lot, almost every day and I invited him to a family dinner the other day and he kissed me.”

Maia raised a brow. 

“N-Not on the lips, just a peck but that’s pretty out of character for him.” Simon stuttered. 

“Pretty out of character for who?” Luke asked as he joined in and Simon squirmed uncomfortably. 

“Simon’s got a boyfriend.” Maia teased and he glared at her. 

“He’s not-We're just friends.” He squeaked and Luke laughed. 

“You don’t hit that pitch for just friends , kiddo . Who’s the mystery man?” He asked and Simon swallowed.

“I’m not saying because he would probably kill me but he’s been going through a hard time lately.” Simon continued. “We talk pretty much every day and sometimes he sleeps over-”

Luke raised a brow at that and Simon frantically backpedaled. 

“N-Not like that, he comes over to watch shows with me. C -C lothes stay on.”

“You wish they didn’t though.” Maia said with a sly smirk and Simon hid his face in his hands. “Oh my god, I was just joking but okay Simon.” 

“I hate you so much.” He mumbled and she and Luke roared with laughter. 

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” Luke asked. “If he’s sharing a bed with you then maybe he’s into you too?”

“Not to mention the fact that he kissed you.” Maia added and Simon sunk deeper into his seat. 

“On the cheek.” He amended, his voice slightly hysterical and Luke placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“Look, Si. I’m not going to say I understand because I don’t but I also don’t spend nights at any of my male friend’s places and I sure as hell don’t kiss them.” Luke said calmly. “On the cheek or otherwise.” He added and Simon shyly looked away. 

“Give it a shot. If he turns you down, you can come drown your sorrows here.” Maia offered and Simon slowly nodded. 

* * *

 

Jace shakily opened the door to the boathouse. It had been a long day with dealing with the whole fucked up mess that was Jonathan and the Mortal Mirror and Max’s health. And then like that wasn’t enough, Magnus had broken up with Alec and he’d had to comfort his parabatai through his own heartbreak. Alec had been a wreck and while part of him wanted to kick Magnus’ ass for hurting his brother, he kind of understood where the warlock was coming from. He knew it wasn’t over between them, Alec and Magnus were made for each other but Alec needed him and he was never not going to be there for his brother. 

Now, he just needed to be with his source of comfort which was why he was here. He stepped in and his eyes immediately widened in horror. The place looked ransacked and there was blood on the floor. Jace had his seraph blade in his hand and tried to push back his fear. 

“Simon? Si?” Jace yelled as he stepped through, not caring about the way his voice wavered. There was a pause before Simon was suddenly in front of him, dressed in a Game of Thrones shirt and boxers. The relief that coursed through him was enough to make him weak and he let his blade fall out of his hands before moving forward and wrapping him in a tight hug. 

“What the hell happened, I thought-I thought-” He couldn’t get the words out of his mouth, just the thought of it was nauseating. 

“Maia and I hosted a turning werewolf and he kind of went wild.” Simon said as he returned the hug, wrapping his arms around the Shadowhunter and instinctively running his hands through his hair. Jace stilled at the sound of that, his hands gripping him tighter and Simon guessed what he was worried about. “I’m okay, I wasn’t in here with him. What’s going on, you’re practically vibrating. Is everything okay?” He asked. They hadn’t spoken since the incident but that could take a backseat.

“Jace, you’re scaring me. Talk to me.” Simon said, beginning to grow concerned himself. Jace took in a shuddering breath before trying to speak. 

“W-We almost lost Max.” He gasped, the terror he’d been bottling up for the past 24 hours finally running free. “A-And I let Jonathan trick me. They’re all dead because of me, Si.” 

“Okay, let’s get you in bed.” Simon said, realizing that Jace was seconds away from a meltdown. “Have you eaten?” He asked and Jace shook his head. He’d been running on coffee and sheer anger for hours now and hadn’t had the time to slow down. “Chinese sound good?” Simon asked and Jace nodded. 

“Alright, we’ll do that.” He replied, leading Jace towards his bed. “Can you get undressed for me? I know that jacket isn’t comfortable .” Jace gave a shaky nod and mechanically started undressing while Simon ordered some food from the Lucky Wolf. Food ordered, he got into bed with the Shadowhunter and wrapped his arms around him. Jace was shivering and Simon hurriedly tugged the covers over him. 

“Jonathan w-was  glamoured  as Sebastian and he-he attacked Max.” Jace muttered, letting himself finally breakdown. “H-He told me Max was dead and t-then he killed the guards so he could get the Mortal Mirror. I was supposed to be protecting it, Si. I fucked up.” Simon couldn’t bear the haunted look in the  blond’s  eyes.

“No. No, you didn’t. The only person who fucked up is Jonathan because now everyone knows and he knows you’ll be coming for him.” Simon said earnestly. 

“They died because of me.” Jace whispered, Simon’s words flying right over his head and the vampire forced him to make eye contact. 

“Jace Wayland Lightwood  Herondale , it is not your fault.” Simon said firmly. “He used Max because he knows you’re loyal and he knows that you would tear the world apart for your family and he used that against you but it is  ** not **  your fault.” Jace’s bottom lip quivered and he pressed his face into Simon shirt before bursting into tears. 

Simon held him tighter, letting the Shadowhunter fall apart in his arms. “It’s alright, Jace. I’m right here.” He whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back and making soft calming sounds. His questions and emotions could wait, Jace needed him and right now, that was all that mattered. 

* * *

 

Jace woke up to the soft sounds of some mundane show. His head was in Simon’s lap and he could feel the vampire gently running his hands through his hair. It was kind of nice. He felt like he could just live in this moment forever, not worrying about Valentine or Jonathan or anything to do with being a Shadowhunter. Just him and his vampire in their boathouse. 

He felt like he should be freaked out by the fact that he was thinking of Simon as ‘his’ but he didn’t have the emotional energy for that meltdown. He leaned into the vampire’s touch and he could practically feel Simon’s smile at his actions. “Welcome back. How’re you feeling?” He asked softly. 

“Drained.” Jace replied. A few moments of silence stretched out between them before Jace sighed. “We need to talk, don’t we?” Simon’s hand stilled. 

“Only if you want to.” He replied in a neutral tone. “You’ve been through a lot, we don’t have to deal with that right now.” The urge to push things away and just ignore his emotions was strong but so was the urge to finally settle this. It had been bugging him since it happened and he just wanted to get it over with. 

“No, let’s just deal with it. I don’t want it hanging over our heads anymore.” Jace replied. Simon remained silent and he took that as permission to go ahead. “Do you...do you still love Clary?” He asked, needing to know that first. He wasn’t going to put his heart on the line if Simon was still in love with the redhead. 

“I’m always going to love Clary. She’s my best friend.” Simon said and Jace felt something in him break. How could he be so stupid, of course Simon didn’t want him, what was he thinking? He started to move away but Simon held him in place. “You didn’t let me finish. I’m always going to love her but I’m not in love with her. I haven’t been for quite some time now.” 

Okay. That was...good. Jace let himself relax into the vampire’s arms again. “Jace, can I ask you a question?” Simon asked and Jace nodded. “Are you attracted to men?” He asked and wasn’t that the million-dollar question? He’d never been interested in another man but something about Simon drew him in like nothing before. Not even Clary. 

“I...don’t know.” Jace replied hesitantly. “I’ve never even looked at another man with interest but...” His voice trailed off and Simon’s heart was caught in his throat. 

“But?” He asked, not wanting to pressure the blond in his lap but also needing to know. Jace sighed.  _ Come on, Shadowhunter. You’ve faced demons, you can tell a guy you might have feelings for him. _

_ “ _ But when you smile, my stomach does weird things and I...care about you.” Jace said softly. “When I came in and saw your place trashed...Simon, I’ve never been that afraid. All I could think of was that someone had hurt you and that-” Jace swallowed tightly. _Now or never_. “-that my sole source of happiness was gone.”

Simon stared down at him in shock. He’d never thought Jace cared about him like that. Yeah, they were close but he didn’t know the Shadowhunter saw him as anything more than an emotional punching bag. 

“And after I pecked you, I was in bed thinking of actually kissing you and...” Jace’s voice trailed off but Simon had a feeling he knew where that was going. 

“Do you want to?” He blurted out, barely thinking of what he was offering. Jace froze and Simon immediately backtracked. “You don’t have to-I shouldn’t have said anything-” He was stopped by Jace sitting up and turning to look at him. His face was clear but his eyes held a level of vulnerability that floored Simon. 

“Do you?” Jace asked quietly like he was bracing himself for a negative reply and he couldn’t have that. Leaning in slowly so that the blond had enough time to move back, he cupped Jace’s face in his hands before pulling him in for a kiss. He’d made out with a couple of guys before but this was different. 

Jace was different. 

The blond stilled for a few seconds before slowly leaning in for the kiss. It was soft and gentle and Simon smiled as he felt Jace tentatively curl his fingers in his shirt. It lasted for a few more seconds before he pulled back, resting his forehead against Jace's. “How was that?” He murmured, their lips inches apart. 

“Good.” Jace replied with a hint of awe in his voice. Kissing Simon wasn’t anything like kissing a woman but not only did he not care, he actually kind of liked it? It was nice to be able to melt into someone with the expectation that the other person would catch him. Also, feeling  Simon’s firm chest  underneath his palms was...an experience. He kind of wanted to try it again. 

Jace leaned in and captured Simon’s mouth again, this time slipping his tongue into the man’s mouth and gently tugging on his bottom lip. Simon couldn’t stop the shudder that ran through him and he definitely couldn’t stop the groan of approval that came out of his mouth. Jace certainly liked the sound of that and he settled himself in Simon’s lap so he could have easier access to the vampire in front of him. 

Simon pulled him closer, his hands firmly on his ass and Jace let out a soft whine. _How and why is this so hot?_ He ground down on the vampire and Simon let out a sound between a growl and a moan and Jace  _ definitely _  wanted to hear that sound again. His hands were tangled in the vampire’s hair and Jace pulled back so he could breathe. 

“You shouldn’t be so good at this.” Simon murmured as he took in Jace’s flushed face and dilated pupils. “You didn’t even know if you’d like this, you should not be able to make me lose control like this, it’s  against the rules .” Jace grinned wickedly before leaning in so he could suck the man’s bottom lip into his mouth. Simon’s hips tilted upwards and yeah, he definitely wanted more of this. 

“So, I take it you want this as well?” Jace murmured, planting small kisses down Simon’s jaw.  Simon shivered at the coarse feel of his stubble against his chin and tried not to imagine how it would feel in more intimate places . He lazily rolled his hips against the blond before realizing what he was saying. 

“Fuck, yes.” He breathed out. “I want this, Jace. I want you.” Jace pulled back sharply and Simon frowned at the sudden swing in emotions. 

“Just this?” Jace asked, his tone not betraying what was going on. Simon frowned in confusion before realizing what he was really asking. He reached out to take the blond’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 

“And more. If you’ll let me.” Simon said gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I like this too, that mouth of yours is a literal sin but I’d also like to be your b-boyfriend. If you want to. I mean, we don’t have to call it that if it makes you feel weird, we can just say something else, like ‘partner’ or-or ‘lover’ but ‘lover’ sounds like something you’d read in a cheesy romance novel and I-”

Jace placed a finger on his lips to shut him up and blushed as Simon’s tongue darted out to lick it. “I-I like ‘boyfriend’ but you need to know what you’re getting into.” He said, his playful tone fading away. “I’m broken, Si. I don’t know how to love people, I never have and I will push you away multiple times. I’m stubborn and as you’ve pointed out on numerous occasions, an asshole. If you can’t-”

“I don’t care.” Simon said firmly, not willing to hear another word of Jace’s  self - loathing . “You think I can’t handle stubborn? I’ve been friends with Clary for years and she definitely tops you on that. Also, there’s nothing broken about you. Not a damn thing and if convincing you of that is the only thing I do on this planet, then that would be enough.”  

Jace squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t really think Simon would leave, the vampire hadn’t given any signs of bolting despite his many issues but hearing that, hearing the conviction in Simon’s voice, he didn’t know how to handle it. Simon gently ran his hand down Jace’s arms, letting the blond process his words. He knew what he’d said was huge but he meant it. It was heartbreaking how Jace expected everyone to leave him but Simon wasn’t going anywhere. Not if he could help it. 

“Y-You can’t say that.” He whispered, not even daring to look at him. Simon frowned. He knew they’d only just admitted their feelings for each other but it was a bit unfair to just brush his feelings away. 

“Okay, you can’t just  dismiss -”

“I know you’re being serious.” Jace continued, guessing where his thoughts were headed. “I just...everyone leaves me and that’s okay but I can’t...I can’t take hearing you say things like that and then having you leave.” Again, Simon felt his heart break in two. “Valentine taught me that to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed so I c-can't-” Jace’s voice cut off and Simon was pulling him closer, resting their foreheads against each other.

“Okay, no intense romantic declarations, got that.” He said softly, his breath ghosting against Jace’s lips. “I’ll keep that in mind but can I show you how much I mean it? Because I do. You deserve to be loved, Jace and I want to give your high maintenance ass all the love I can.”

“Wasn’t high maintenance  five seconds ago when you were grinding against me .” Jace mumbled and Simon chuckled. 

“Yes, it was but that’s okay, I like it.” He whispered back, grinning as Jace blushed. “I know it’s going to be hard but please give me a chance? Give us a chance?” He asked nervously, his tone becoming serious. Jace finally opened his eyes and Simon let himself get lost in his gorgeous golden eyes. There was a part of him that had been holding back on his affections for Jace but now that he knew  there  was a chance, he was falling and falling hard. 

Jace gave a firm nod at his questions. “I-I want this. I want to try.” He replied. Simon was constantly telling him that he deserved to have something for himself and he wanted this. He knew it would be hard, the Clave was going to  _ love _  this but Jace wanted it. By the Angel, he wanted this. He wanted to know how it felt like to be treasured and loved even though it might end up in pain at the end. 

He leaned in to kiss him and Simon let himself melt into it. His arms looped around his neck and Jace let out a soft sigh as their tongues flicked against each other. It was a long, languid kiss like they were both trying to  learn  each other and from the pleased hums and sighs coming from them both, they each liked what they discovered. A vibrating noise from the floor broke them out of it and Jace shot up so he could fish his phone out of his jean pockets. 

Simon pouted at the sudden loss of warmth but let him go, waiting to see what it was. 

Jace grabbed his phone, his playful demeanor quickly disappearing as he took in the information from his  parabatai . “I’m on my way.” He replied and Simon let out a small sigh of disappointment. Jace hung up and began to tug his clothes on. “I need to-”

“Get back to the Institute, I know.” Simon said, finishing his sentence. “Please, be careful. I know you  Shadowhunters  have death wishes but try not to fulfill them today, okay?” Jace shot him a fond smile. 

“When have I ever not been careful?” He shot back, laughing at Simon’s unimpressed look. 

“I’ll draw you up a list, you can look it over when you get back.” Simon replied. Jace snorted before leaning in to plant a kiss on the vampire’s cheek and making a surprised noise as Simon turned his head so he could kiss him on the lips. Simon leaned into the kiss, trying to force all his emotions into it because a small voice in the back of his mind was murmuring that  with all the craziness happening,  this could be the last time he got to touch him. 

Sensing his desperation, Jace gave as much as he got, his hand snaking to cradle Simon’s head.  “You better come back alive.” Simon whispered against his lips. “I didn’t risk being mocked by Maia and Luke for you to die just when I discovered how good of a kisser you are.” 

Jace chuckled. “I’ll do my best.” He replied before leaning in for another kiss. Simon hummed into his mouth and Jace had to dig deep to find the resolve to leave because he so badly wanted to hear what other sounds and  noises  he could pull from the vampire but he knew he had to. 

He regretfully pulled back, laughing at the pout on Simon’s face. “I’ll be back. I promise.” He said as he activated his speed rune. He gave one last look to the vampire before speeding off. Simon flopped back on to his bed with a sigh of content. It was wild the difference twenty hours could make. 

He had a boyfriend. 

Him. 

Simon Lewis, the nerdy mundane turned vampire had a boyfriend and it was Jace! He’d never even let himself consider the possibility but some mornings when he woke up to Jace snuggled into him, he couldn’t help but wonder about an alternate universe where Jace wasn’t straight and they could maybe be something more than friends but he’d never actually let himself believe it because falling for a straight person was always a recipe for heartbreak and yet here they were. 

His thoughts drifted to the feel of Jace in his lap and his lips against his and Simon shivered.  _ That man is going to be the death of me but what a way to go. _  His phone beeped with a message and Simon read it over before frowning. 

* * *

 

**_ I’m heading towards the Lucky Wolf. Raphael wants every vamp our searching for Valentine and as I’m the only one who can walk in the sun, I’m with the wolves. - Simon _ **

**_ Also, were you ever going to mention the whole ‘raising an angel and destroying all  _ ** **_ Downworlders _ ** **_ ’ thing? - Simon _ **

Jace swore and dodged into a hallway, ignoring  Alec’s  look of confusion. He dialed Simon’s number and prayed he would pick up. 

“Hey-”

“Get back to the fucking boathouse.”

“Oh? So that’s how we’re doing this? Only one of us gets to risk their lives at a time? Should I draw up a rooster?”

“I’m not kidding, Si.”

“Neither am I.” Simon snapped and Jace faltered. He and Simon annoyed each other regularly but he’d never heard the vampire snap at him like that. “You can’t expect me to just stay indoors and do nothing. Besides, if Valentine raises the angel then I’m fucked regardless so I might as well be out.”

“Simon, this isn’t one of your comics.”

“Okay, fuck you-”

“Valentine will not hesitate to kill you. You know this. Just...Si, please.”

“He won’t hesitate to kill you either especially when he learns who you’ve been sharing your bed with so the way, I see it, we’re even. You stay safe and I’ll try to do the same. Okay?”

“Fine, have it your way but promise me you’d be careful?”

“I’ll be as careful as you are.”

Despite the obvious insult, Jace couldn’t help but smile. 

“Very funny. Keep me updated?”

“Always.”

Jace hung up and tried to keep the smile off his face before starting at the sight of his  parabatai . Alec stood in front of him with a raised brow and Jace groaned internally. 

“Who’s Si? One of your girlfriends?” Alec asked teasingly and Jace shot him a glare. “I hope it’s not another Seelie because I don’t think I can stomach the sight of them right now.”

“Mind your business.” Jace replied, already walking forward and he didn’t have to look back to know Alec had a shit eating grin on his face.  Alec’s hand shot out to pull him back and Jace waited for his  parabatai  to say what was on his mind. 

“You don’t have to tell me, but whoever it is, I’m glad you have them.” Alec said gently. “You’ve been...calmer, more level headed lately and I don’t want to know what you’re doing with whoever but I’m glad you have it.”  Jace smiled at his  parabatai’s  words. He usually held back on his side of the bond because Alec did not need to deal with his own self-loathing as well but it seemed being with Simon had changed that. 

“Thanks.” He replied and Alec gave his hand a soft squeeze before moving away and sliding his 'Head of the Institute' mask back on. He went off to address some Shadow hunters and Jace pushed his thoughts about his boyfriend away so he could focus on the task at hand. Jonathan wasn't getting away from him. Not this time.

* * *

 

Simon knocked on the door to Magnus’ loft. He’d just finished with the Seelie Queen and if he was right, the warlock needed to get out of whatever deal he’d gotten himself into. The door swung open, an irritated look on the warlock’s face before it cleared up at the sight of the dark-haired vampire in front of him. 

“Did Alec send you  here?”  He asked after a few seconds of staring at him. Simon frowned. 

“Why would he, he hates me.” He replied. “Are you going to let me in? I have some news concerning the Seelie Queen.” Magnus stood aside and Simon hesitantly came in. “You seem pretty low. I mean, I guess having Valentine threatening to wipe us out would make anyone low but you seem lower than usual.”

Magnus waved his words away. “I’m fine. What is it about the Seelie Queen?” He asked, his tone firm and curt. Simon raised a brow. This was unusual for the warlock but he guessed everyone had a reason to be on edge. 

“I met up with her today and long story short, she wants a war with the Clave.” Simon blurted out. If Magnus was surprised, he didn’t show it. The warlock sighed before wandering over to his liquor cabinet. 

“Want a drink? Because I can definitely use one.” He called and Simon figured why not. Magnus fixed them both a couple of drinks and the two sat down on his sofa. “I figured as much that she was using us to her gain but I figured if Valentine came for us then at least we’d be safe.”

“What did Alec have to say to that?” Simon asked and Magnus winced. “Ah.” Simon replied with realization. There were a few moments of silence before he spoke up again.

“It’s not like I wanted to side with her but he lied to me about the Soul Sword and then told me not to make it personal.” Magnus murmured, his tone low and dangerous. “And I guess I just...lost it.”

“Hey, I don’t blame you.” Simon said carefully. “I broke up with Clary then ended up nearly draining a mundane and killing a fellow vampire so I feel like you’re doing way better than I was.” He said with a small smile. Magus let out a small huff of laughter and Simon made up his mind to at least cheer the warlock a little.  _ And maybe I also need some advice because I have no idea what I’m doing. _

“So. ..you’ve  been with guys.” Simon started out before realizing how stupid that sounded. “I-I mean, you’re currently dating a guy so you would know h-how, you know, _  that _ .” He finished lamely. Magnus stared at him in confusion and Simon groaned.

“You know. Sex.” He  mumbled,  his eyes pointedly focused on his shoes. 

“If you’re asking for details on Alec and I’s sex life, you have 3 seconds before I throw you off the balcony.” 

Simon’s head shot up in alarm. “N-No, this is for me, I don’t ever want to think of Alec like that. N-Not that he’s not attractive, the whole archery thing is  kinda  hot-”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough.” Magnus interrupted and Simon decided to just shut up before the warlock carried through with his threat. “I thought you were straight, is this just  curiosity  or...?” Simon shook his head. 

“Bisexual but never felt the need to come out because I was in love with Clary for most of my life and now...” Now he was in a tentative relationship with a beautiful man and he did not want to fuck things up with his inexperience. They weren’t ready for it yet but when it happened, he wanted to take care of his boyfriend because Jace deserved that. 

“Now you’re in love with someone else?” Magnus asked with a hint of a smile, recognizing the dazed faraway look the vampire was sporting. Simon smiled shyly. 

“I-I won’t say love but I like him. And he likes me too which is still shocking and I want to know what to do when  _ it _  happens.” He replied. Magnus gave a  put-upon  sigh. 

“I swear, the things I do for you kids.” He mumbled under his breath. “Well, for one, you’re going to need to invest in lube. And the good stuff,  ** not  ** KY jelly because no one’s ass deserves that.”

* * *

 

Jace blearily opened an eye to the knock on his door. It had been quite the day and he just wanted to sleep it off.  _ The world had literally better be ending. “ _ Come in.” He called, already sitting up and getting ready to put his boots on because Valentine’s still out there, the maniac and Jace didn't think he’d be able to sleep comfortably unless he’s seen the man’s dead body with his own eyes. 

“Has he popped up in Alicante yet?” He asked as he reached for his shoes only to stop as he’s surrounded by a strong embrace. He knew the smell of bergamot and citrus in his sleep and he relaxed into Simon’s arms. The vampire held on tight for a few long moments before pulling back to get a good look at him. 

“Oh god. What did he do to you?” He whispered, his fingers lightly tracing his neck and Jace guessed he still had marks from when Jonathan had tried to lynch him. He reached out to hold Simon’s hand and that was when he realized the vampire was shaking. 

“Si, baby, I’m okay. I’m okay.” Jace said gently not even noticing the term of endearment that slipped out. Simon drew in a shaky breath before pulling him in for another hug, his fingers gripping tightly into his shirt. When Clary had told him how close the man in his arms had come to dying, he’d frozen in fear. He’d managed to snap out of it long enough to assure Clary that he was fine and  _ yes _ , he was probably just going to go back to the boathouse before frantically making his way to Jace’s room because he needed to see his boyfriend and feel him to make sure he was okay. 

“God, Jace. You could’ve-Is he dead? You’re sure he’s dead?” Simon asked, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded but also not giving a shit. He felt Jace nod against his shoulder and felt relief flow through him followed by a surge of anger. He almost wished the demon was alive so he could tear him apart or drain him dry. “I hate that you had to experience that.” Simon mumbled into his shirt and the Shadowhunter let out a dry chuckle. 

“I’ve been through worse, Si.”

“That’s really not encouraging.” Simon grumbled and Jace kissed his neck. 

“Are you-Can you stay? Tonight?” He asked in a soft voice and Simon immediately nodded. 

“Of course. Whatever you need.” Simon replied. 

“You’re going to need to get your clothes off though.” Jace murmured and Simon raised a teasing brow. 

“At least buy me dinner first, Mr.  Herondale .” He teased, laughing at the glare his boyfriend leveled at him. Simon stripped till he was in his boxers and climbed into bed with him, grinning at the way Jace immediately snuggled up to him. 

“How’re you doing?” Simon whispered, his fingers trailing through the  blond’s  hair. 

“Honestly? A bit of a wreck.” Jace murmured, his eyes closed as he let himself melt into Simon. “Valentine’s out there and he has the sword and the cup. All he needs to do is get to Lake Lyn and all the  Downworlders  are gone.” His fingers gripped on to Simon’s shirt and the vampire made a soft soothing sound. 

“I’m right here, babe.” He replied and Jace’s eyes flew open at the nickname. “Too much?” Simon asked nervously but Jace shook his head. It wasn’t the first time he’d been called that by a partner but those were usually women who were flings and were passing things in his life. Being called that by Simon...it felt nice. “Okay.” He said softly. 

The two laid in silence before Jace thought to ask a question. “Si, when’s the last time you fed?” He asked. Simon shrugged. It had been a wild couple of days and there were more things to worry about than his appetite. Jace frowned at the non-response before offering his wrist. 

“No, you almost got killed today. I’m not feeding on you.” Simon refused but Jace only gave him a hard glare. 

“I’d feel better knowing you were running around on a full stomach. Plus, I’m going to sleep anyway so I’ll be fine.” Jace insisted. “Unless you’re trying to say you don’t like the way I taste, mundie.”

“Oh, trust me, that’s not the problem.” Simon murmured, ignoring Jace’s comment. “I just don’t want to hurt  you,  I know Izzy’s addiction was really bad. I don’t want to do that to you.” Jace’s look softened and not for the first time, he thanked the Angel for sending him someone who cared so deeply for him. 

“I’ll be fine, Si. I don’t think your venom affects me like that. You won’t hurt me, I promise.” Jace said and Simon hesitated before taking the Shadowhunter’s wrist. Truth be told, he’d often thought about getting to feed on the Shadowhunter again. There was something strangely intimate about drinking from someone and feeling their emotions course through you. He understood why vampires got addicted, the feedback loop of pleasure resulting from that would floor anyone. 

“I t r ust you, Si. I wouldn’t be half naked in a bed with you if I didn’t.” Jace said in a deadpan tone as he shoved his wrist in Simon’s face. 

“Brat.” Simon murmured playfully before carefully taking the Shadowhunter’s wrist. He dart ed  another glance towards Jace to ensure this  was  actually what he wanted before biting down. Jace let out a soft gasp but Simon could barely think through the litany of  _ good-so fucking sweet-oh my god how does he taste so good- _ as he drank from his boyfriend. Jace leaned against Simon, whimpering as he felt the venom flow through him. It felt like molten lava was being poured into him but instead of burning him, he was swimming in an ocean of pleasure. 

The duo were so caught up in their actions that neither of them heard the door open or the voices till it was too late. 

“Jace, are-Son of a bitch!” 

Simon’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Alec’s enraged voice and he immediately let go of his boyfriend’s wrist. Alec was striding towards him with murder in his eyes and Simon made no move to escape because he should’ve known better, he should’ve said no and he deserved it except Jace’s arm was suddenly across his chest, pushing him back while his other hand, the hand he just fucking  _ fed _  from was holding a blade at Alec. Simon vaguely wondered where the hell he’d been hiding it but his thoughts were quickly pushed away by the fight that was currently happening in front of him. 

“How could you be so stupid? After everything Izzy’s gone through? Everything you’ve gone through? You’re going to throw it away for an addiction? Right now?!”

“Alec, you can either calm down or get the fuck out because I am not in the mood to do this tonight.” Jace replied harshly. 

“Alec, c’mon. Let’s at least hear what he has to say.” Izzy said, stepping out from the corner of the room she was standing in and it said a lot that Simon hadn’t even noticed her presence. 

“I should go.” Simon said faintly, his guilt threatening to overwhelm him. 

“No, you shouldn’t because I’ve had a really shitty day and I want to go to bed with my boyfriend and I can’t do that if he’s not here.” Jace said firmly, ignoring Alec and Izzy’s wide-eyed looks of surprise. Simon turned to him to argue with him but Jace was looking at him with those beautiful golden eyes and  _ fuck it _ , he was going to have to start talking to him with his eyes closed because those eyes made him want to do any and everything for the Shadowhunter. 

“Boyfriend? Is that what you’re calling this?” Alec asked incredulously and Jace glared at his  parabatai . He loved the man, he really did but he was not going to put up with this. 

“Yes, that’s what I’m calling it.” He hissed. “What I choose to do and who I choose to do it with is none of your business, Alec. I never said anything when you and Magnus were-”

“Don’t you dare bring him into this.”

“When you and Magnus were running around the world, doing whatever.” Jace continued. “If I could accept him, you can accept Simon.”

“Magnus doesn’t feed on me, he doesn’t  drug  me-”

“Get out.” Jace said furiously and Izzy decided to step in. 

“Come on guys. Let’s just take a breath, okay?” She said lightly, looking between her brothers. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for all this, right?” She asked, looking at Jace. The blond Shadowhunter grit his teeth before nodding. 

“Okay. You want to know so badly, I’ll tell you.” He snapped. “A couple of weeks ago, a-after the Soul Sword, after I killed multiple Downworlders-”

“Babe.” Simon whispered brokenly as he instinctively reached out to hold his boyfriend’s hand because he thought they’d gotten past this but apparently not.

“After I did that, I went to a  mundie  bar and got as drunk as I possibly could and then headed towards the Brooklyn Bridge.” Jace continued, his voice wavering. 

“Jace.” Alec said, all the anger drained from his tone and only sheer terror remaining. 

“I was going to jump, I wanted to so badly but Simon saw me and h-he brought me back to the boathouse and let me crash there.” Jace said in a slightly choked voice. “And then like that wasn’t enough, he made me promise that I would check in with him every day unless he was going to tell you and I agreed because you won’t have let me leave if you knew.”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Izzy said, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “We’re your family, did you think we would judge you?”

“I don’t know, maybe.” Jace murmured, suddenly exhausted. “I was just...so tired, Iz. I don’t think I would have accepted any help then but Simon literally forced himself on me, threatened to compel me a couple of times before I listened. That content, calm feeling you’ve noticed is all Simon.” Jace said to his parabatai who was looking heartbroken. 

“I won’t say it’s all me, you had something to do with it.” Simon murmured, holding tighter to Jace. “You’re a stubborn dick but you listened. Some times.” Jace shot him a weak glare for that and Simon chuckled. 

“Can I-” Alec started, his fingers twitching like he was itching to hold his  parabtai  in his arms  and Jace nodded. Izzy and Alec were across the room and in his arms in an instant, both of them holding tightly to him. Simon let Jace’s hand go so he could hug them back. He was happy this was all out in the open. Yeah, he and Jace were going to be having words because using the Soul Sword wasn’t his fault but he was really proud of his boyfriend for opening up.

“I know that I’ve been busy with the Institute and with Magnus-” 

“Alec-”

“-but I will always have time for you. Always.” Alec finished, desperately holding on to his parabatai. 

“Me too.” Izzy sniffed, tears streaking down her face. “You’re my brother, I’ll always be here for you.” Simon watched with a smile as his boyfriend was surrounded by his family. Jace needed this. His boyfriend needed all the love he could get. 

Izzy pulled back from Jace before turning to Simon and also sweeping him up into a huge hug. Simon hugged her back after a few moments of startled silence and Jace smiled. “Thank you for looking out for him.” She whispered and Simon hugged her a bit tighter. 

“Hey, how was your visit with the Seelie Queen?” Izzy asked as she pulled away and Simon froze.  _ Shit _ . He hadn’t mentioned it to Jace because he knew the blond would worry and also because he knew he’d been a tad reckless facing her by himself. True to form, Jace turned to him with a glare.

“You went to see the Seelie Queen? On your own?”

 “Okay, Clary asked me to check in with her cause she’s been acting shady-”

“Of course, Clary did.” Jace retorted and Simon glared at him before continuing. 

“It’s a good thing I did because she’s just twisting this into a war for her own gain.” Simon continued. “I’ve told Magnus, Raphael, and Luke and they’ve all pulled support from her which I’m sure she’s not going to like.” 

“No shit.” Jace replied. “So much for keeping yourself safe.”

“Oh, like you kept yourself safe today?” Simon retorted. “Because you’re such a shining example of safety at the workplace.”

“Unlike some people, I actually have training and know how to defend myself.”

“That made fuck all difference tonight, didn’t it?”

“Oh, fuck you mundie.”

“You wish, Shadowhunter.” Simon retorted with a small smirk and Jace rolled his eyes. 

“Oh my god, they’re actually worse than you and Magnus.” Izzy said dryly and Jace flushed. Alec was staring at the both of them like he didn’t know whether to be horrified or confused and Simon bit back a laugh. 

“He's Si from earlier, isn't he? So, this is an actual thing?” Alec said, referring to both of them and Jace nodded. 

“Is that a problem?” Jace asked defensively and despite the fact that he knew they would never attack him for who he chose to be with, Simon inched closer to his boyfriend. 

“No. If anything, I’m relieved.” Alec replied. “We can share in the lovely comments the Clave has to make about our relationships.” Jace gave a tired sigh. 

“Can’t wait.” He replied in a deadpan tone. “Alright. This has been eventful but I’m literally seconds away from passing out so goodnight.” Alec gestured for Simon to follow him and he swallowed. The Shadowhunter still terrified him if he was being completely honest. Jace honestly did look like he was about to pass out and the sooner he got chewed out by Alec, the sooner he could cuddle with his boyfriend. 

He pulled his pants back on and stepped out. Alec was giving him an indiscernible look and Simon nervously fidgeted. “Okay, look I know you don’t approve but I really like him and I would like to stay alive long enough to see where it goes so please don’t kill me.” Simon blurted out. Alec stared at him for a few seconds longer before sighing. 

“Was that the first time that you fed on him?” Alec asked seriously and Simon nodded. 

“That’s not why I’m with him, I promise.” He said solemnly. Alec gave him another look before rolling his eyes and sighing. 

“I don’t trust you but Jace does and for now, that’s enough.” Alec said before stepping closer to him. “But if you hurt him, I will know and I will hurt you just as bad. He’s been through  enough,  he doesn’t need his heart broken.”

Simon nodded. “I know. He’s a great person, there’s so much of him to love and I plan on convincing him of that, no matter how stupidly stubborn he might be.” He replied truthfully. Alec eyed him before stepping back. 

“You do that and we won’t have any problems.” He replied. He made to turn away and Simon made a hasty decision. 

“You should go see Magnus.” He blurted out. Alec froze. “I-I know you guys fought but he’s not having the best time considering siding with the Seelie Queen was a mistake. He’s mad at you but I think he’s also pretty pissed at himself and I’m not sure if leaving him at his apartment alone was a great idea, he really loves gin and-”

“Okay, thank you.” Alec said sharply and Simon shut up. “I’ll...check in on him.” Alec turned and walked away, leaving Simon standing there.  _ Hopefully, they can sort it out. _  Simon moved to open the door but it swung open of its own volition. Izzy stepped out and smiled at him. 

“Don’t wear him out, Lewis.” She said teasingly, grinning at Simon’s choked noises of protest before leaving. Simon shook his head at her words before heading in. Jace was back in bed, aggressively cuddling a pillow and Simon snorted. 

“Get in here, mundie.” Jace mumbled and Simon rolled his eyes before shoving off his pants and getting into bed with him. Jace immediately snuggled closer to him and flung a leg around his waist. Things were definitely not okay with the Seelie Queen and Valentine loose but for tonight, in this moment, he could pretend all was right with the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I thought I was gonna get this done in 2 chapters but apparently not. I'm putting a couple of days between episodes because I feel like so much happened in such little time like damn, they couldn't even catch a break. Next is 2x20 and Clary plus everyone else finding out. Hope you enjoyed this!


	3. Chapter 3

Simon’s eyes fluttered open as he woke up. For a split second, he was unaware of his surroundings but as he became conscious, the details of the night before filtered back to him. He tried to move before realizing he was being pinned down by his boyfriend’s arm and legs. Jace was snuggled into his side, his face looking more relaxed and calmer than the vampire had ever seen it.  

He moved and Jace’s nose wrinkled before he settled back, his arms still firmly wrapped around Simon. Simon tried to adjust so he could support the Shadowhunter’s neck better because that position was surely not comfortable but a disgruntled noise from Jace stopped him.  

“Can you stop fucking movin’? Trynna sleep here.” Jace mumbled as he stubbornly moved closer to him and Simon bit back a laugh.  

“Sorry, Your Grace.” He said sarcastically. Jace opened one eye to glare at him and Simon couldn’t hold back his laughter.  

“You’re such an ass.” Jace snapped, squirming away from him and Simon hurriedly held him in his arms.  

“You can’t blame me, you’re so cute in the morning.” Simon said lightly, smiling at the way Jace laid his hand on his chest. “Feeling better?” Jace nodded. He’d slept well into the morning but he needed it, last night had been hellish.  

“How’s your neck?” Simon asked, looking at the quickly fading bruises on his boyfriend’s neck. The sight still filled him with panic but Jace was alive and well and that’s all that mattered.  

“Better considering everything.” Jace mumbled. The two lay in comfortable silence before Jace turned to look up at him.  

“You? How’re you doing with everything that happened last night?” He asked and Simon sighed. He felt like crap, to be honest. He shouldn’t have fed from Jace, he knew that but it had just felt so  _ good  _ and Jace had been so insistent. “Si? Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about feeding on me.” Jace asked at his boyfriend’s silence. 

“I just…I shouldn’t have.” Simon spluttered and Jace rolled his eyes. Of course, he’d be in a relationship with the only vampire in the world with a guilt complex.  

“Si, I asked you too.” He replied firmly. “Plus, I’m not going to apologize for keeping you alive, it wasn’t all for you.” Simon snorted at the blond's words. “Also, it felt pretty good.” Simon frowned.  

“That’s what I was trying to avoid. I don’t want you getting addicted to me.” Simon said worriedly and Jace gave a fed-up sigh.  

“Fine, if you’re going to make me say it.” He mumbled. “It felt good in a ‘I want to be back in your lap’ kind of way.” Simon blinked in surprise. He was not expecting that. He remembered how good the Shadowhunter felt pressed against him and he swallowed.  

“Yeah?” He asked and Jace looked up with a glare, ready to chew him out for mocking him before catching the hungry look in the vampire’s eyes. He remembered the sounds Simon had made beneath him and was suddenly more awake. Sitting up, Jace leaned forward so he could kiss him. Simon went willing, his arms hoisting Jace up so he had less of a distance to stretch.  

It was slow and aggressive, Simon’s tongue plundering his mouth as his hands settled on his hips. Jace melted into him, smiling at Simon’s gasps as he ran his tongue across his fangs. All of a sudden, he was on his back and Simon was looming over him. He often forgot how strong Simon was, the nerdy vampire wasn’t one to show off but witnessing his prowess had heat streaking through Jace. Simon leaned down to press kisses down his neck before sucking  _ hard _ and Jace arched off the bed.  

“Yes? That’s okay?” Simon asked, his voice low and breathless and Jace replied by tugging him down for another kiss and wrapping his legs around his waist. Simon groaned into his mouth and Jace shivered. He tilted his hips forward, basking in the desperate sounds the Shadowhunter made as he writhed beneath.  

“God, I want-I want-“ Simon gasped, unable to think past the frantic way his boyfriend was grinding against him, his hands almost clawing at him.  

“ _ Yes.”  _ Jace moaned in response, his voice raspy with need. He didn’t even know what he was agreeing to but if it kept Simon making those noises and touching him, then he was all for it. Simon took in a deep breath and tried to think.  

“Jace, babe we need to pump the brakes on this because our first time is not going to be in this Institute.” Simon panted, his mouth still placing wet kisses down his neck.  _ God, he smells so good.  _

“Oh, like your boathouse is any better?” Jace murmured in response, humming at the feel of Simon’s hard on pressing into him.  

“Are you really going to argue with me right now?” Simon murmured, his eyes fluttering shut as Jace repaid the favor from earlier and sucked on his neck before biting down. His body jerked forward and Jace sighed at the feel of it. His boxers were getting pretty uncomfortable and at the back of his mind, he began to wonder if they could just...do something before he had to get up and face his duties.  

Unfortunately, the decision was made for him by a knock on the door. The duo jolted apart and Jace anxiously looked towards the door.  

“Jace?” 

“Shit.” Simon murmured under his breath. It was Clary. In the whirlwind of events that had happened, he’d completely forgotten that the redhead wasn’t aware of their relationship. And judging by Jace’s panicked face, so had he.  

“Get your clothes on.” Jace hissed at him and he tumbled out of bed. It was harder than expected, no one really talked about how difficult it was to put on jeans when you had a hard-on and Jace glared at him as he tried to tug them on.  

“Jace, I was just-” Clary said as she peeked in before stopping short at the sight of Simon trying to put his pants back on and Jace shirtless with bruises on his neck. For a moment, the trio all stared at each other, Clary in disbelief and Jace and Simon with trepidation before Simon finally spoke up. 

“Clary, I can explain.” 

“Are you two...What is going on?” She asked carefully. “Si? Are you and Jace...is this a thing?” She asked and Simon nodded.  

“We’ve been...it’s been a couple of months-” 

“Months?!” Clary screeched. “Simon, we broke up like five weeks ago. Was this...were you cheating on me with Jace?” 

“Jesus, no.” Simon said frantically. “I would never hurt you like that.”  

“Sure.” She replied sarcastically. “How would you feel if you walked in and found me hastily dressing up in someone else’s room barely any time after our breakup? You don’t even like men!” 

“Those are pretty bold words considering why you broke up.” Jace muttered under his breath and Clary glared at him.  

“Clary, I love you but it’s not that simple.” Simon said and apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Jace winced at his words before getting out of bed and tugging his clothes on.  

“I’m going to talk with Alec about where we are on Valentine.” He said. “You two should probably do some talking of your own.” 

“Jace...” Simon started but the Shadowhunter was already out the door and Simon sighed. That was something they would have a fun argument about, he was already looking forward to it. He turned his attention back to Clary who was glaring at him.  

“Look, Clary, Jace and I have been talking for a while now.” He started. “I saw him through a tough time and we just became friends.” 

“So, all those times when you told me you were focusing on your music, you were with him?” She asked and Simon winced.  

“Some of the time, yeah.” He admitted. “And I’m not straight, I’m bisexual. I just never saw the need to come out because I’d been in love with you for years and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.”  

“Oh, but you’re in love with Jace?” Clary retorted. “Look, Si, I know I hurt you but what makes you think he’d be any better? I mean this is the same guy who slept with Kaelie, the psychotic Seelie who murdered multiple Shadowhunters.” 

Simon glared at her. Clary was his best friend but the last thing he was going to do was stand by and watch Jace’s name be dragged in the dirt. “Okay, sure he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships but that’s because your crazy father taught him that emotions made him weak and that love was equal to destruction.” He snapped and Clary’s eyes widened at his tone. 

“He’s stubborn and can be a bit of an ass but he’s also loyal, kind and really sweet when you get to know him.” Simon continued. “And I know you know this because you wouldn’t have fallen for him if you couldn’t see that too.” Simon snatched up his shirt from the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted.  

“Look, Fray, I understand this is a shock for you and I respect the fact that you might need some time but I’m not asking for your permission or blessing to be with him.” He said, looking her in the eye. “Maybe it’ll end badly, maybe not but I think I deserve to be with someone who actually chooses me.” That was a low blow and he knew it but he was feeling more than a little defensive at this point and his mind was more on Jace’s feelings than Clary’s right now.  

* * *

 

“Someone had a good night. Or morning.” Izzy said as she eyed his neck. He rolled his eyes and looked at the hologram of the city that his Parabatai was staring at.  

“Magnus’ wards are up so Valentine must still be in the city.” Jace commented, noticing Alec’s worried expression and feeling his anxiety.  

“Thank the Angel for Magnus and his warlocks.” Izzy murmured, staring down at the map. “Is he okay? I know you went to see him last night.” She continued, looking at her brother. Jace looked at him in surprise. He didn’t think that would happen so soon, they both loved each other but were also notoriously stubborn.  

“He’s fine. Upset with the Seelie Queen but it’s not me so I don’t care.” He responded.  

“Teams are out doing block by block sweeps throughout the city.” Izzy said, noting Jace’s stare at the map. “We’ll find him.” The trio was joined by Clary who was sniffing, her eyes a bit red and swollen.  

“Anything new?” Alec asked and she shook her head.  

“I tried tracking him like Jace and I did with Jonathan but for some reason, it didn’t work.” She replied. Alec and Izzy moved to another part of the map, leaving Jace and Clary alone together.  

“Do you want to give it a go with me?” Jace asked, pushing away his discomfort for the mission at hand. Clary gave him a strained smile.  

“It’s fine.” She replied, her voice kind of hoarse. Jace frowned.  

“Are you okay?” He asked, noting her demeanor. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together due to his budding relationship with Simon and her dying relationship with him but he still thought of her as family.  

Clary hesitated before speaking. “I thought I’d be relieved when Jonathan was finally dead but actually I feel worse.” She said softly. Jace nodded in understanding.  

“I get it. He was your brother. I felt pretty shitty when I found out I wasn’t your brother too.” He replied and she gave a dry laugh.  

“I guess.” She murmured and the two descended into an uncomfortable silence. “We don’t have to work together if it makes you uncomfortable. I can’t imagine being around me makes Simon happy.” Jace rolled his eyes. He was hoping his boyfriend put Clary in her place but he didn’t want to ruin their friendship.  

“Simon understands that being a Shadowhunter comes first for me.” He replied.  _ Or at least I hope he does because if not, it’s going to be a fun couple of weeks in the future.  _ “And you’re his best friend. He might be dating me but you’ve known him for years. Nothing’s going to stand in the way of that, and I wouldn’t dream of doing so.” Clary gave him a small smile and reached out to give his hand a squeeze.  

An alarm began to blare and the two jumped out of it.  

“Valentine?” Alec said as he looked at the map.  

“No. Could be some kind of Wraith demon.” Isabelle said, looking at the aerial map. The group went off to get their weapons and Jace pushed thoughts of his boyfriend away. He could worry about their future later.  

* * *

 

“Why do you smell like you crawled into the blond Shadowhunter’s body and lived there?” 

Simon almost tripped over his own feet at Raphael’s words. He didn’t even know Raphael knew what Jace smelled like. The older vampire raised a brow at his guilty silence before deciding to ignore it because honestly, Shadowhunters were the least of his worries.  

“Have they found Valentine yet?” He asked and Simon shook his head. He knew everyone was worrying about the maniac, including his boyfriend. His mind went back to the blond and Simon fidgeted uncomfortably.  _ I hope he’s being sensible, I really don’t like him being out there through all this.  _

“Surprising no one.” Raphael murmured under his breath. “Simon, have you had any other problems with other clan members recently?” He asked. Simon shook his head. Ever since the bleeder den, he’d been avoided like a piranha which was fine with him, he didn’t ask for this life and didn’t really want much to do with it.  

“I’m glad to hear that.” Raphael continued. “News about your Daylighter status has spread quite far. There’s a lot of interest in you right now.” Simon swallowed. Honestly sometimes, he hated his new status. He didn’t regret drinking from Jace because it had saved his life and in a weird way, Jace’s but he hated the attention he was starting to get from it.  

“I know you’re not interested in divulging your secrets but judging from your behavior at the Seelie Court, you need to learn more about how the Downworld works and diplomacy.” Raphael finished. Simon frowned.  

“Why? I’m not planning on taking an active part in Downworlder politics.” He argued. “I’m fine with staying in my boathouse and helping when needed.”  

“Simon, I know things can be hard for you to grasp, so I’m going to speak slowly.” Raphael continued and Simon angrily waited for him to speak. “Your position as a Daylighter puts you at a risk and you need to be smarter about who you engage with and how you engage with them. I’m not having a war start over one inept vampire.”  

“Okay, then I’ll just keep to myself.” Simon argued. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been training with the Shadowhunters and they can only attack me in the night-time.”  

“Or anywhere out of direct sunlight.” Raphael shot back. “It’s not just about you, Simon. I’m not interested in continuously protecting you from people you don’t even know.”  

“You tried to stake me a couple of weeks ago.”  

“For reasons unrelated to you being a Daylighter.” Raphael corrected and Simon rolled his eyes.  

“Okay, I’ll think about it but right now, we have bigger things to worry about.” He said, referring to Valentine. Raphael nodded and Simon sat with him to see how he could use his skills to help.

* * *

 

**_Hey, is everything alright? I haven’t heard from Jace in a while. This is Simon, by the way. The Daylighter. - Simon_ **

**_He was on patrols and then was going to head back to your place – Alec_ **

**_He’s not here – Simon_ **

Alec immediately moved away from Magnus’ embrace and dialed Clary’s number.  

“Hey, what’s-” 

“Have you seen Jace? He said he was going back to Simon’s but Simon hasn’t seen him.” 

“No. Luke just called me, Maia’s missing too and he thinks she might have been taken by the Seelie Queen.” 

Alec groaned. They just couldn’t get a fucking break, could they? Like Valentine wasn’t enough, they also had the Seelie Queen stirring shit up.  

“Alright, I’ll let Simon know. You and Izzy should get ready to head down to the Seelie Queen’s court, Simon and Luke are probably going to want to come along.” He replied. He hung up before giving a tired sigh. All he wanted was just one night of peace with his boyfriend, was that too much to ask?

* * *

 

Jace was officially done.  

All he’d wanted was to do be wrapped up in bed with his boyfriend but instead, he was stuck in the Seelie Realm with the Seelie Queen  **and** Maia.  

“Tell me about the Daylighter.” The Seelie Queen said in her annoying, polished voice and Jace immediately pushed his emotions away and slid his mask of indifference on. If this was about Simon then he needed to keep his head straight.  

“Simon?” Maia said in disbelief.  

“You don’t have to play pretend. You know him well.” The Seelie Queen said pointedly to the both of them. “He’s quite fond of the both of you as you are of him.” Maia looked at her like she’d gone crazy.  

“And how do you know that?” She asked. The Seelie Queen gave her a condescending look.  

“My eyes and ears are everywhere.” She replied simply and Jace promised to personally step on every insect he saw on his way back to the Institute. “But there are certain things only a friend and...boyfriend would know.” She finished delicately.  

Maia snorted. “Well, your spies are clearly uninformed because Jace is not Simon’s boyfriend.” She said with a laugh and Jace felt the tiniest bit offended. Yeah, he’d been a hard ass to the vampire on several occasions but was it that hard to believe that they were together. His mind went back to the time before they became friends and yeah, he could see why she drew those conclusions. 

The Seelie Queen cocked her head to the side and Maia gaped at her before turning to Jace. “Oh my god, you’re the guy he wants to have naked sleepovers with?” She said with astonishment and Jace spluttered because he didn’t think Simon would ever say that to anyone but also, why was he the last to know about his boyfriend’s needs?  

“Perhaps I was mistaken.” The Seelie Queen said dryly. “It seems as though you aren’t as close to Simon as I thought. I have no use for you.” She waved her hand for her guards and that’s when Jace had had enough. 

“The Downworld is on the brink of annihilation if Valentine gets to the Lake.” He snapped. “Can you please wait till after he’s discovered to continue your games with my boyfriend? Your Highness.” He added smartly, smirking as she scowled at him. 

“I assure you both, you’re perfectly safe down here.” She replied which only served to make them both angrier.  

“What about my pack? My friends?” 

“Or my friends?” Jace added. “You know, if you’re trying to lure Simon into doing what you want, kidnapping us is not the way to go. He was ready to take on Valentine himself when he heard how he’d treated me, he’s not reasonable enough to try not to do so with you.” Maia looked like she was seconds away from jumping across the table so she could bitch slap the Queen and as much as Jace would’ve loved to see that, they needed to keep their wits about them. He placed a restraining hand on the werewolf’s arm and she grit her teeth before settling back into her seat. 

Their absence was definitely known by now and it was only a matter of time before his boyfriend and probably his parabatai came looking for him. Jace was willing to wait until then.

* * *

 

Simon felt like screaming. Why was every supernatural being so petty? Was it just a side effect from living too long?  _ I guess when you’ve done everything that can be done, ruining lives is the only thing that gives life any meaning.  _ He was trying not to think of Jace being hurt because he honestly didn’t know what he would do if he was. The Shadowhunter was his friend before he became his boyfriend and he was very territorial when it came to his friends.  

“Your Majesty, look who we found.” The Seelie escorting him announced but Simon didn’t care because Jace was right there and he was alive and even though he didn’t need to breathe, he couldn’t help but take in a huge breath of relief.  

“I assumed you would return but why are your friends here? They weren’t invited.” The Seelie Queen asked, focusing her attention on Luke, Izzy and Clary and Simon tried not to let his irritation show.  

“I’m here for a member of my pack.” Luke said, gesturing to Maia who was already off her feet and walking towards her Alpha.  

“And we’re here for Jace.” Izzy added.  

“Let them go. Now.” Simon said firmly, his eyes still on Jace who was warily beginning to stand up.  

“They’re perfectly safe. Take off your coats and stay a while.” The Seelie Queen said lightly.  

“Stay a while?” Clary echoed incredulously. “Have you forgotten that Valentine is still on the loose? Everyone is looking for him while you stay here playing your stupid games.” The Seelie Queen gave her a cruel smile.  

“Ah, yes. The last time you were here was so fun, I believe I want an encore.” The Seelie Queen said and Simon barely had time to move before he and Clary were entwined in the Queen’s stupid vines. Izzy, Luke and Maia moved to help them but were stopped by her guards. “You keep making the same stupid mistake, Daylighter. Shadowhunters always choose their own, you’d be much better off down here.” 

“Oh my god, is she coming on to him?”  

Simon couldn’t help the amused snort that fell from his lips at Maia’s disgusted tone. “Just get this over with so we can leave.” He said to Jace who was anxiously looking between the two of them. For a horrifying split second, Simon thought it would be a repeat performance of the last time and that despite everything, Jace would go to Clary because when has anyone he’s ever wanted, wanted him back- 

His thoughts fizzled out as he felt Jace cup his face in his hands before pulling him in for a teeth clashing, lip biting kiss. He could feel the vines unraveling around him and he knew he should’ve just stepped away because they had bigger issues to deal with but his hands were fisting in Jace’s shirt to tug him closer before looping around the Shadowhunter’s neck so he could flip the Seelie Queen off.  

Jace slowly pulled away and looked at him with a small smile and had the ground under their feet disappeared because he was falling _hard_. “Took you long enough.” The blond murmured and Simon rolled his eyes.  

“Next time, I’ll let your grandmother know so she can come down here herself.” He mumbled in response, his hands wandering down to Jace’s.  

“Please don’t.” Jace replied fondly before turning back to the Seelie Queen who was looking very displeased with the turn of events. “Are we free to go, Your Highness?” He asked with mock politeness and she glared at him before turning to Simon.  

“I’m a patient person and Shadowhunters don’t tend to live long.” She said smugly. Simon lowkey wanted to smack the smile off her face. “You’re all free to go but in the meantime, I’d like to have a conversation with the Daylighter.” She said, dismissing the rest. Jace immediately took a step in front of Simon and the vampire held him off.  

“It’s okay, she’s not going to hurt me.” He whispered. “You and the others should get out of here before she changes her mind.” Jace looked like he wanted to disagree with that but he had news he had to get back to Alec.  

“Fine.” He muttered, shooting one last glare at the Seelie Queen before turning back to give Simon another kiss. “Don’t try to be a hero, Lewis.” He said against his lips before pulling back. Jace gave him another look before turning and leaving with the others.  

* * *

 

“So am I the only one who’s surprised with what just happened?” Luke said as they came out of the Seelie Realm. “Jace and Simon are a thing now?” 

“Apparently so.” Clary mumbled and Jace rolled his eyes.  

“We can debate about my love life later. The Seelie Queen helped Valentine escape.” He snapped. “She wouldn’t be that calm if she didn’t get something out of Valentine going to Idris.” 

“She wants all of the Downworld under her control.” Luke said.  

“Wait, if Valentine’s been in Idris then wouldn’t someone have said something?” Clary argued. 

“Not if he has people working for him within the Clave.” Izzy countered. “We can’t send word to Idris now, not without alerting Valentine to what we know.”  

“Maybe I can use my portal rune?” Clary suggested. “That way a few of us can go in and warn Counsel Dieudonne so he can alert his army and the rest of us can regroup and follow.”  

“Luke, you get back to Alec and let him know. He can alert everyone else.” Jace decided. “Clary, Izzy and I can get to Malachi and warn him.” Luke nodded and Clary drew her portal rune. Jace spared one last thought to Simon before swallowing and stepping through it as well.  

“Where’s the army?” Clary asked as they appeared in Idris.  

“Lake Lyn is a hike away.” Jace said as he looked around.  

“I guess my navigation's still off.” Clary said lowly.  

“At least it’s not in the actual Lake this time so that’s an improvement.” Izzy said encouragingly. “Come on, let’s go.” She gave Clary a playful nudge as they started walking. The sun was just setting so the sooner they started, the better.  

“So...Jace. How are things with Simon?” Izzy said teasingly and Jace groaned in despair.  

* * *

 

Simon sighed as he stepped out of the Seelie Realm. He’d been stuck down there for hours before the Seelie Queen finally let him go, the mad woman. Jace was not going to like the deal he’d made with her but that was a problem for later.  _ Hopefully, he's back home waiting for me so we can continue what we started.  _ Simon didn’t think he’d ever want to even be with a man that way but having Jace underneath him was a religious experience. The noises he made and the way he felt, it would be starring in his dreams for a long, long time.  

The vampire sped off to his boathouse and went in. It didn’t look like Jace was back yet but that was alright. He needed the sleep anyway and hopefully when he woke up, he’d have the blonde Shadowhunter in his arms.  

* * *

 

The trio sighed in relief as they neared what looked to be Malachi’s army. A stern looking man walked out of a tent and they stopped in front of him.  

“Consul Malachi.” Jace said as he respectfully stood in front of him. “Jace Herondale and Isabelle Lightwood of the New York Institute.” 

“Clary Fairchild.” Clary piped up, shooting him a small look for passing her over.  

“I know who you are.” Malachi replied.  

“Valentine is on his way to Lake Lyn.” Clary continued after a few seconds of hesitation. “He has the Sword and the Cup.” 

“Yes, I’m quite aware of Valentine’s progress.” Malachi said dully.  

“Then you would know that we need to get to the water. Now.” Isabelle added, giving Jace and Clary a confused look.  

“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen.” Malachi replied before turning his head and revealing the double circle on his neck. 

“You’re a Circle member.” Isabelle said in surprise, looking around as the soldiers started to surround them. The trio tried to pull out their weapons but it was clearly futile.  

They were bundled up and tugged into a tent despite their protests. The Circle members tied them up to a post and Jace sighed in defeat. This day could not get any better. He tried fighting out of their bonds but it was no use. They were trapped. 

“Do you have any idea how many speeches I’ve heard Malachi give?” He said angrily. “How many times I’ve heard him preach loyalty to the Clave above all else under the Angel?” 

“He probably thinks trying to destroy the Downworld is loyalty to the Angel.” Izzy murmured sarcastically. “All along he’s been working with our greatest enemy.” 

“Simon was right, the Clave is a joke.” Jace replied. His boyfriend was not a fan of the Clave and he'd let his opinion be clearly known.

“How does the Consul, the leader of the entire Clave end up a Circle member?” Clary questioned. 

“Valentine probably threatened to wipe out any Shadowhunters who opposed him. He thrives on fear.” Jace replied, unpleasant memories of his childhood coming to the surface.  _ What I wouldn’t give for a hug from Simon right now. _ Despite the situation, the thought of his boyfriend made him smile a little. Simon was going to be more than pissed at the situation he was in when he found out and Jace couldn’t wait to argue about it with him.  _ And maybe more.  _ He desperately wanted to know what makeup sex with the vampire would feel like because just making out with him felt so good.

_ “ _ So, Malachi’s just trying to save his own ass?” Clary asked.  

“And sit back while everything is destroyed around him.” Isabelle finished. A figure stepped through the tent and Jace tensed as the silhouette of a man who had haunted his every nightmare stepped forward.  

“Jace. It’s so good to see you again, albeit it under different circumstances.” Valentine said slyly and Jace concentrated on pushing every feeling of terror and fear he felt through his parabatai bond with the hope that Alec would feel it and know something was wrong.  

“Wish I could say the same. We should’ve let Luke kill you.” Jace replied, keeping his voice level and sliding on a mask of anger and hate.  

“What do you want, Valentine?” Clary asked, turning his attention from Jace to her. “You’ve got us, there’s no need to gloat.”  

“You wound me, Clarissa.” Valentine replied. “You’re the guests of honor here. You will watch as we usher in a world free of Downworlders like the Angel intended.” 

“If he intended them to die, he would have killed them himself.” Izzy spat out. “You’re a disgrace to Shadowhunters, you don’t deserve to bear the Angel’s runes.” 

“And you do?” Valentine asked coldly, his falsely pleasant tone vanishing. “You three have debased yourselves, whoring yourself out to Downworlders. The Seelies I can forgive but vampires?” Jace’s breath stuttered as his mind went to Simon. He didn’t even know how Valentine knew but if anything had happened to him... 

“You so much as touch Simon, I swear-”  

“You, I’m most disappointed by.” Valentine said, turning back to Jace and the Shadowhunter hated how even years later, Valentine’s disappointment still stung. “You think the vampire loves you? You think he cares for you? The DayLighter keeps you on hand for your angelic blood and you give yourself to him because you’re so stupid to think these animals have any emotions.” 

Clary snorted and so did Izzy. “If I were you, I’d fire my spies because they obviously were tailing the wrong guy.” Clary said. 

“Simon wouldn’t know how to manipulate anyone if you paid him.” Izzy added with a mocking laugh. “He’s more human than you would ever be.”  

Valentine glared at her before turning to Jace. “No words of support for your Downworlder?” He asked. Jace grit his teeth. He didn’t want to say anything that would incriminate Simon but just the thought of him being threatened was making him go insane.  

“If I were you, I’d hope not to meet him.” Jace said simply. “He’s been wanting to kill you for weeks. He’d drain you dry and I’d hold you down just to watch.” His words earned him a strike across the face but it was worth it to see the anger flash across Valentine’s face. He gestured to the guards standing by them and they were pulled up to follow him on his crazy crusade. Jace could only hope Alec had gotten his message.  

* * *

 

Alec was in the middle of debriefing the Downworlders he’d gathered when he felt fear shoot through him. “Alec? You okay?” Luke asked, noting the way the Shadowhunter paled. Alec shook his head.  

“No, there’s...there’s something wrong.” He stammered, his hand going to his parabatai rune.  

“I just spoke with the Inquisitor.” Underhill said as he came up to them. “Despite her request, there have been no troop movements in and out of Alicante since. Apparently, when she went to Malachi to see what the holdup was, she was told he left suddenly.”  

Alec inhaled sharply. The distress from his parabatai and this update wasn’t a coincidence. “He has to be a spy for Valentine.” Alec said.  

“Which means we’re walking into a battle with Circle members.” Luke noted. The Downworlders around them shifted warily. Alec had called an emergency cabinet meeting with the Downworld leaders, barring the Seelies because they’d pretty much proved themselves untrustworthy, and had asked for their help. He knew it was a stretch considering how the last time had gone but the New York Institute couldn’t do it on its own. 

He’d made the situation clear to the other Institutes and asked for help from those he thought he could trust but it was a shot in the dark.

“How are we supposed to believe this?” Russell, one of Luke’s wolves said. “The last time we helped you Shadowhunters, several of us died for it.” 

“We’re going to die anyway if Valentine gets his way.” Magnus replied. “I don’t know about you but I did not live 400 years to be killed by a dictator with a fairy godmother.”  Alec shot his boyfriend a look for referring to the Angel Raziel as a fairy godmother but internally, he agreed.

“Valentine was a Shadowhunter and I know it is unfair to ask you to help fight our war but Magnus is right.” Alec said to the group. “If Valentine wins, we all lose.” The Downworlders still looked nervous but no one could disagree. Valentine winning would be the death of all of them and they knew it. Luke and Magnus gave him a nod before turning to their people and discussing strategies. 

He needed to do more by way of organizing his Shadowhunters but there was something else he had to do before that. Pulling out his phone, Alec took in a deep breath before dialing a number.

* * *

 

Simon groggily fumbled for his phone and accepted the call without looking at who it was. 

“Simon, it’s Alec.”

Immediately, the sleep cleared from his eyes and he sat up in bed.  “Oh God, is he dead?” Simon asked, dread curling in the pit of his stomach. “He said he was going to come back home, please tell me he’s not dead, I can’t-” 

“Jace is fine. For now.” Alec said, cutting him off. “He’s in trouble so we and a couple of other Downworlders are heading to Alicante. The New York clan declined to join because it’s still daylight but I-” 

“I’ll be at the Institute in five minutes.” Simon said, already getting dressed.  

“Simon, we’re up against Circle members. I was just calling because you deserve to know but I don’t think-”

“I’ll be there. I’m not letting Jace go up against that bastard alone.” Simon snapped before cutting the call. He wasn’t sure what was going on and he was even less sure of what he was getting himself into but he meant what he said. 

Jace was not going to be alone. Not if he could help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I thought I'd get the whole story done in one chapter lol. So the battle has been split into 2 chapters. So far, it has been about Jace's insecurities but I want to focus a little on Simon and how being in this relationship helps fight against his own demons. Hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think in the comments.


	4. Chapter 4

Simon dodged a blow from the Circle member in front of him and punched as hard as he could. Usually, Jace had him train as a mundane because ‘super speed and strength won’t keep you from getting your ass handed to you’ but seeing as he was fighting for his life and the life of many others, he could afford to cheat a little. They’d appeared at Lake Lyn to find Malachi’s army and not surprisingly, Valentine. The warlocks had immediately set to warding the Lake to prevent access and the rest of them were tasked with protecting them. 

To Alec’s surprise, other institutes had shown up to show their support, bringing with them their Downworlder allies as well. Not surprisingly, quite a few of the Shadowhunters had turned to be spies for Valentine so they were not only facing his army but also friends and co-workers. Simon wasn’t even sure which was which. All he knew was that the dicks dressed in armor needed to stay as far away from the lake as they could. 

Unfortunately, that was proving harder than he thought.  _ Jace really was going easy on me, I’m barely holding on as is. _ He hissed as the blade from one of their swords nicked him and sharply ducked to avoid another blow. He’d somehow picked a spear along the way and was using it to defend himself. He drove it through the soldier in front of him before pulling back sharply.

“You really shouldn’t look that hot when you’re fighting.”

Simon faltered at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, giving the soldier the opening to attack him. He barely even thought about defending himself before the soldier was pitching forward, a sword pulling out of his chest and Jace was standing next to him. “Your left side is open, keep your arms level.” Jace said, already lunging forward to attack and despite the situation, he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Took you long enough.” He shot back as he fought back. The duo fought side by side, Simon making up for any speed or strength that Jace needed with Jace covering him. Somehow, they both found themselves in the midst of friends again and Simon immediately seized the moment to grab hold of his boyfriend. 

There was a bruise blooming on his cheek and he had several cuts and scrapes but he was  _ alive. _ “What the fuck are you doing here, Si?” Jace blurted as he looked at him. “It’s too dangerous, you could-”

“You’ve got some nerve asking me that, you didn’t tell me a thing when we were in the Seelie Court.” Simon spat back. “I had to hear from Alec which shows just how shitty the situation was if he actually picked up a phone to speak to me.”

“Save your foreplay for later, Valentine took Clary.” Izzy said as her whip retracted into a bracelet. “I don’t know where but he’s definitely holding on to her as some sort of ransom, he actually tried to kill her and would’ve killed Jace too.” Simon’s worry was quickly replaced with anger and he hissed. 

“He does so much as touch her, I will kill him.” He said, meaning every word. 

“You’d have to get in line.” Jace echoed. “Alec and Magnus need to be here but we can hunt him out if we use our speed runes. He’s going to be somewhere near the lake so we can try around the perimeter.” Izzy and Simon nodded. The duo nodded in agreement and Izzy and Simon activated theirs before speeding off.

* * *

 

Jace took in a deep breath and once again wondered how this was his life. Clary had managed to get away from Valentine but the bastard had snuck up on him and now here he was with a sword pressed against some very vital organs and Valentine taunting his friends and  _ boyfriend _ with it.

“Put down your weapons.” Valentine ordered and Jace shook his head. 

“Don’t. He’s not going to let me go. He’s going to kill me as soon as you let him.” He said, firmly. 

“I’ll kill him for sure if you don’t put them down.” Valentine said, pressing the tip of the sword in deeper. He’d already cut him and Jace grit his teeth against the pain shooting through him. He could only hope it wasn’t distracting Alec. He could see the determination in Izzy, Clary and Simon’s eyes begin to fade and Simon was beginning to lower his spear. 

The three of them could probably take him on their own but he knew none of them would even dare put his safety at risk. Jace took in a deep breath. He could do this. He’d always known he wouldn’t live long, that was the curse of a Shadowhunter but damn it, he’d hoped for more. 

“Izzy?” He called, not caring how his voice wavered. “Tell Alec I’m sorry.” He didn’t wait to see the confusion on her face or hear the combined screams of Simon and Clary but grabbed Valentine’s arm so he could impale himself and they could attack. 

He was in Simon’s arms before he could even fall and he was suddenly looking up at the sky and Simon’s clearly distraught face. “I-I” Getting the words out were a struggle but he needed to let Simon know. He needed to let him know how sorry he was and how grateful he was that he’d gotten to spend this time with him. Simon called for Clary before turning his attention back to the Shadowhunter. 

It was like something out of the vampire’s darkest nightmare and he couldn’t-didn’t want to believe what was happening. Clary ran over and activated his healing run but it didn’t seem to be doing much. Simon could hear his heartbeat getting slower and weaker and his breath escaped him in a sob. 

Izzy had used her whip wrapped around Valentine and was electrocuting him but that meant nothing if Jace didn’t survive. “Come on, come on, don’t you fucking dare die on me.” Simon said between sobs as Clary frantically reactivated his rune. 

“It’s okay.” Jace said with a gasp as he held on to Simon. His vision was blurring out now but he had to make sure Simon knew it was okay. This was okay. It was much better than he’d ever expected to die and maybe this way, he could stop being known as ‘Valentine’s son’ and a murderer and maybe be remembered for sacrificing his life to make sure Valentine never hurt another Downworlder again. 

Simon’s whole body was shaking as he watched his boyfriend die in front of him. He would give anything,  _ anything _ to save him. He was willing to turn him himself if he could. The thought brought a memory to Simon and he gasped before grabbing her seraph and harshly running it across his wrist. After Izzy’s yin fen addiction and the whole thing with the bleeder den, he’d found out as much as he could on vampires and their abilities because he never wanted to unknowingly hurt someone. 

Vampire saliva could heal and replenish blood cells and while vampire blood could turn a human, small amounts could heighten their senses and improve their overall health. It was a long shot but it was better than nothing. Simon held his bleeding wrist to Jace’s mouth and made sure he at least got some of it in before leaning in and biting down on his neck. 

“Simon, no!” Clary screamed and tried to push him away but he just pushed her away. The last thing he remembered was a kick to his head and then…

Nothing.

* * *

 

Jace slowly came to at the sound of raised voices. His head felt like it was pounding and his whole body was aching. The last thing he remembered was shoving Valentine’s blade into his side and Simon- _ Simon! _ Jace struggled to open his eyes and was treated to the sight of his parabatai blocking Imogen from entering the room. Izzy and Clary were by Simon’s side in what looked to be defensive positions. 

What was even more shocking was the sight of Maryse looking like she was trying to placate Alec. Jace coughed and all conversation immediately seized. Alec was by his side in an instant and he suddenly had a glass of water in his hand and was being forced to drink it. There was a testy silence in the air and Jace wasn’t really sure what was going on. 

“Well, he’s woken up now so the Downworlder can finally be taken to the Guard.” Imogen said and Jace’s attention was instantly focused on Simon.

“Simon’s not going anywhere, what the hell is going on?” Jace asked automatically. Simon was looking at him with red-rimmed eyes and he already didn’t like where this was going. “While we’re on the topic, does anyone want to explain why I’m still alive? Because I’m pretty sure I stabbed myself so we could kill Valentine. Please tell me he’s dead.”

“Oh, he is but apparently, the Clave doesn’t care about that.” Clary said with a glare in Imogen’s direction which only served to make him more confused. Jace looked to Alec to make some sort of sense of things. 

“Simon fed you his blood and saliva to keep you alive.” Alec said plainly and Jace immediately looked down at his body. “They still work.” Alec reassured, referring to his runes and Jace gave a sigh of relief. 

“What your parabatai is neglecting to inform you is that the Downworlder has infected you with his blood.” Imogen said with a hate-filled look in Simon’s direction. 

“He saved Jace’s life!” Izzy snapped. “Who cares what his blood is like?”

“I understand you Lightwoods find no problem with laying with their kind but we Herondales know better than to debase ourselves-”

“That’s enough.” Jace said, cutting her off. “Simon saved my life, he’s not going to the Guard.”

“Your mind might be clouded by vampire’s blood but any loyalty you feel to him is only temporary.” Imogen said, like he couldn’t possibly be thankful to a Downworlder for saving his life without outside influence. He wasn’t planning to but his head was pounding and he just wanted to lay in bed with his boyfriend, who currently looked like he was moments away from a breakdown. 

“I didn’t drink his blood the other day when he was on top of me.” He blurted out and Alec choked. Maryse and Imogen both shared horrified looks and Izzy just looked so damn proud. “Simon saved my life. Not just today.”

“Jace.”

It was the first time Simon had spoken and Jace hated how small and broken he sounded. That was his role, Simon had no business sounding like that. 

“After I used the Mortal Blade to kill all those Downworlders, Simon found me at a bridge, ready to jump.” Jace said. He could hear Clary gasp and he realized Simon must have held that from her to protect him which made him fall even harder for the vampire. “I honestly don’t know if it was just that or the culmination of Valentine’s appearance and almost being killed by the woman who raised me but I was ready to die.” Maryse’s eyes were wide with shock but he didn’t care.

“Simon saved me then and he saved my life again by forcing me to talk to him because if he hadn’t, I would’ve been back on that bridge or worse.” Simon inhaled sharply and  _ whoops _ he hadn’t meant to let that last bit out. 

“If it wasn’t for this ‘Downworlder’, you wouldn’t have a grandson.” Jace continued, loving the shocked look on his grandmother’s face. “And if having a ‘tainted’ grandson or a grandson who is in a relationship with a vampire is something you can’t bear, then...disown me.” That wasn’t what he was planning on saying but now that it was out he found he didn’t mind. He had no attachment to the Herondale name and to be honest, it was more stress than it was worth. 

“You can’t possibly be serious.” Imogen replied in disbelief. “Perhaps it’s not the Downworlder but the family you were raised with.” She said, looking scornfully at Alec and Izzy and Jace bristled. Alec might be used to getting those kinds of comments now but he wasn’t going to stand for it.

“At least they were present.” Jace snapped and enjoyed the flash of pain in her eyes at her words. “I’m sorry I’m not the perfect Herondale heir you wished for but you can either leave now or watch me cuddle with my boyfriend because I have had a very, very long day and this is not how I want to finish it. If Simon goes to the Guard, I’m going with him and I bet that would be much more inconvenient to explain.”

Imogen pursed her lips and he knew he’d won. She eyed Simon again before spinning around and leaving and Jace sank back into the bed. There would be repercussions for that later, he was sure of it but as of right now, he didn’t care. “Si? Baby?” Jace called softly as Alec ushered everyone out of the room. Simon was looking at him like he wanted to hold him but didn’t know if he was allowed or if he could and Jace hated it.

Jace gestured for him to come over and Simon hesitated before practically flying into his arms. The vampire took in a heaving breath before bursting into tears and Jace faltered. This was shockingly new territory. He was usually the one doing the breaking down and hearing Simon sob into his shirt felt like walking into an alternate universe. 

Jace carefully adjusted so Simon could climb on the bed fully and held on as tightly as he could. The tears were starting to dwindle and Simon only made soft sniffles and hiccups. “I’m so sorry, Si.” Jace mumbled. He wasn’t really planning on seeing Simon ever again so he didn’t have an explanation for his actions but he knew the vampire would want one. 

“I can’t do this.” Simon said in a broken whisper and Jace froze. “I can’t keep w-watching you hurt yourself like this. I can’t.” Jace felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He’d expected Simon to leave at some point, everyone did but he didn’t think it would happen this soon. 

“Y-You know I’m a Shadowhunter. I won’t apologize for doing what needed to be done for us to win.” Jace said, trying to inch away from Simon. Simon glared at him. 

“At what cost? For people who are probably going to shun you for not having pure angelic blood anymore?” He asked. 

“How did you know your blood would save me and not turn me?” Jace asked, ignoring that question. 

“I didn’t.” 

The implication of that hit him and Jace glared back at him. “You would’ve turned me? God, Simon do you know what that would’ve done to me?” Jace asked harshly. Being a Shadowhunter was his life. If he couldn’t do that anymore what was the point of even living?

“You would’ve been alive.” Simon replied. “And maybe if you weren’t a Shadowhunter anymore the Clave could stop using you-”

“If you had turned me, I would’ve been as good as dead.” Jace interrupted and Simon drew in a deep breath. “Being a Shadowhunter is my life.”

“No, it’s not.” Simon counteracted. “I understand that it’s your duty but it is not your life. I’m not going to sit back and watch you continuously throw yourself in the line of fire for people who don’t care. I won’t let you.” Jace paused. That...didn’t sound like a breakup. Simon sounded like he was ready to stand in Jace’s way if he tried to hurt himself and that was...new. He’d never had anyone offer to do that. Alec tried but his parabatai had gotten so used to his recklessness that he’d just learned to be there for the aftermath and tried to minimize the damage. Simon sounded like he wasn’t even going to give him the opportunity. 

His stomach did something weird at the realization and Jace pushed that away for later. “So, just to be clear, you’re upset that I keep risking my life?” Jace asked slowly. 

“Yes! What have you been arguing about?” Simon said with exasperation. 

Jace shrugged.  “I don’t know, I thought you were arguing against me being a Shadowhunter and wanted to break up with me.” Jace replied in the same quiet tone and Simon’s face fell. 

“Oh, no. No, no, I want to be with you.” Simon said hurriedly, cupping his face in his hands before letting go just as quickly. “If you still want me, you don’t ha-” Jace tugged him into a kiss and Simon willingly followed. Jace had kissed quite a few people in his lifetime but kissing Simon felt like coming home. It felt like being safe and not having worries, if only for a few seconds. 

“I’ll always want you, Si.” Jace murmured as they pulled apart. “If not as a boyfriend then as a friend. You’re important to me and I would gladly give my life if it meant keeping you and other Downworlders safe.” Simon let out a shuddering breath. He could still hear Jace’s gasps for air as he died and he held on tighter to the Shadowhunter.

“Don’t make me watch. I can’t do that.” Simon replied, his voice thick with emotion. “I always wondered how Clary could let me turn into a vampire instead of just allowing me to die but I get it now. I can’t stand by and watch you sacrifice yourself for anything, not even me. I won’t.” Those were heavy words but Simon needed to say them. He’d watched as Jace bled out in his arms and he couldn’t go through that again. Jace nodded. 

“Okay. I don’t agree but we’re both stubborn so I know arguing won’t help.” He said and Simon snorted before settling back into his arms. 

“I’m still mad at you, by the way.” Simon said, even as he snuggled closer to the Shadowhunter. “My idea of a good time is not fighting Circle members before desperately trying to save my boyfriend’s life barely three days into our relationship. I expect at least two weeks of groveling. Like, on your knees groveling.”

“Luckily for me, there are lots of ways I can make it up to you if I’m on my knees.” Jace replied and Simon rolled his eyes. There was a noise that sounded a lot like someone falling over and Jace guessed his siblings must have been listening in. “Serves you right!” He called and there were several giggles and hushed voices before someone replied. 

“Be gentle with him, Simon. He almost died!” Izzy called back and Simon squawked in indignation. He could hear them leaving and he smiled. 

“Honestly. It’s not like I can’t use my stamina rune.” He said to himself and Simon looked up at him in shock.

“T-There’s a stamina rune?”

* * *

 

“To the Downworlders!”

“To the Shadowhunters!”

Jace watched as Simon got them drinks from the bar. They were at the Hunter’s Moon to celebrate their victory over Valentine and while he was happy, there was a part of him that still felt hollow. Valentine was a shitty father but he was still a father to him and he didn’t know how to feel now that he was gone. 

“You know, Magnus had to pull me off him when I found you.”

Jace was jolted out of his thoughts by his parabatai’s voice. Alec was staring down at his drink, some fruity nightmare and was awkwardly picking at the table. “I, um, I thought-I thought he was draining you.” Alec continued. “I felt the rune disappearing and I got there to see him and…” Alec’s voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m glad you have him.” 

“Me too.” Jace replied. A few months ago, he would have laughed if anyone told him he’d be dating a vampire, a male vampire for that matter but now he couldn’t imagine not having Simon in his life. “Where’s Magnus?” He asked, not seeing the flashy warlock anywhere. 

“Just settling things with the warlocks. They lost a few people and I didn’t think they’d appreciate a Shadowhunter there.” Alec replied and Jace nodded in agreement. “He should be here soon.” 

“You settled your differences?” He asked and Alec nodded with a small smile. “Good to hear because I was not looking forward to fighting with him.”

“Fighting with who?” Simon asked as he came up to them with two bottles in hand. 

“Fighting Magnus for my honor.” Alec replied and Simon snorted. 

“Babe, you’re a great fighter but Magnus would wipe the floor with you.” He said and Jace glared at him as he gulped his beer. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side, Si.” 

“I am, I’m just being honest. Like, I’d cheer for you but you’d still be getting your ass handed to you.”

Jace flipped him off and Simon stuck his tongue out at him. “Jeez, Izzy was right. You two are worse than Magnus and Alec.” Clary said as she, Izzy and Maia came up to them. Alec made an offended noise at that but she ignored him. 

“I can’t believe I had to find out you were dating Jace from the Seelie Queen.” Maia said with a punch to Simon's arm. 

“At least you didn’t walk in on them.” Clary added lightly. 

“I still think you telling Imogen that you’re not biased because you didn’t drink Simon’s blood when he was on top of you is the best way you’ve come out.” Izzy added. 

“I had to top Alec’s wedding somehow.” Jace replied and Alec scoffed. 

“No, I kissed Magnus in front of several important Clave members at my own wedding and in front of my parents so I think I won.” He argued. 

“Gotta hand it to him, he’s right.” Simon said, chuckling at the look of betrayal on his boyfriend’s face. “Don’t worry, there must be someone who doesn’t know yet. There’s always the option of wearing something obscene on a shirt to get the point across.”

“Imagine Maryse’s face if I walked in with a shirt saying ‘I went down on a Downworlder’.” Jace said and the table erupted into laughter with the exception of Alec, who was trying not to choke on his drink. “You can have one too if you want.” Jace offered with a shit eating grin and his parabatai glared at him while simultaneously turning red. 

“I’d wear that.” Izzy said with a giggle. “You should send one to Imogen.”

“She’d stake me on the spot.” Simon replied, recalling the way Imogen had glared at him like he was filth. “I felt like I was going to combust just from her glare. I feel like it’s a Herondale trademark.”

“It would be worth it to see the look on her face.” Maia said in reference to sending Imogen the crude t-shirt. “Also, you were right, Simon. He definitely fucks like he fights.” She said referring to Jace and he spluttered. 

“So skilled but absolutely no regard for his safety? Sounds right.” Clary said dryly.

“Hey!”

“Maia! I told you that in confidence.” Simon whined. 

“Who fucks like they fight?” Magnus said as he came up to their table, much to the relief of Alec. 

“No one. Let’s go, they’re being disgusting.” Alec pleaded.

“Jace.” Izzy replied. “Also, did you know Simon and Jace were a thing?” Magnus’ eyes widened in surprise. 

“Oh, so he’s the one with the mouth from hell? I would not have guessed.” Magnus asked and Simon buried his face in his hands. Alec had given up all hope of the topic changing and was now drinking cocktails with the desperate hope that he could drink enough to cancel out his hearing. 

“Holy shit, Si. Did you tell everyone?” Jace asked in surprise, secretly feeling pleased that Simon wanted him so much he couldn’t keep it to himself. 

“What was I supposed to do?” Simon retorted. “You’re the one who kissed me after spending several nights in bed with me and then didn’t talk to me for days-”

“You didn’t talk to me either!”

“Yeah, cause I thought you didn’t mean it and then you showed up at the boathouse and the next thing I know, you were straddling me-”

“I feel like you’ve skipped over crucial points of this story namely you asking me to kiss you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Apparently you’ve told everyone how much you want to.”

Simon looked like he was torn between strangling him or kissing him and was it weird that Jace didn’t mind either of the two?  “Jesus, they eye fuck more than you and Magnus do.” Maia said as she took a sip of her drink much to Alec’s indignation.

“I was in the closet for years, I’ll eye fuck my boyfriend as much as I want to.” He grumbled, sipping on his sixth drink of the night. 

“Also, why do you know how Jace is in bed?” Magnus asked, refilling Alec’s glass with water instead and ignoring the look of betrayal on his boyfriend’s face. 

“Yeah, Maia. Let’s hear that story.” Simon recovered, relishing the look of surprise on her face. He slipped his hand underneath the table to give Jace’s hand a squeeze. The Shadowhunter immediately linked their fingers together and smiled at him. It had been a long and trying day but there was nowhere he’d rather be. They weren’t foolish, they both knew a relationship would not come without its challenges but it was worth it just to see the look of content and happiness on the other’s face. 

“Okay but before we hear that, Magnus what do you think about a t-shirt company with crude messages that would shock straight racists?”

“You had me at crude messages.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't focus as much on the battle because, tbh, I suck at fight scenes but I feel like if there was a threat to all of the Downworld, other institutes should care and other Downworlders would want to fight. Also, where was Malachi's army? Did they all just disappear? Feel like they could have had an epic fight scene for that but I guess budgets might not have been able to cover that. 
> 
> Most of this story has focused on Jace and him realizing how important Simon is to him but in this chapter, Simon really realizes how much he needs his Shadowhunter. Also, I feel like they would've been teased mercilessly and I loved writing the latter half of this chapter. The next chapter is going to be mostly fluff and contain snapshots of their lives over the years. Also, maybe a bit more 'smut' between the two. Hope you enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

Being with Simon was the easiest thing he’d ever done. It was like breathing, he didn’t even need to think about it. He could just _be_. He didn’t need to worry about censoring himself or try to put up a front around the vampire. Simon accepted every part of him, even the parts he thought were ugly and broken and took everything in stride. The first time they’d had sex had been the sweetest and most hilarious experience he’d ever had. They were at the boathouse because neither of them could keep quiet for that long and silencing runes wore off at some point. 

They’d gone to one of those mundane sex stores and stocked up on lube and Simon had thrown in a few things that had him raising his brows and itching to get back home. Jace was nervous, he loved being with Simon but there was a huge difference between having someone’s fingers in you as opposed to their dick. Simon had ~~begged~~ volunteered to go first because in his words ‘I’ve had fantasies of you fucking me from when you first climbed into my lap and I refuse to wait a second more’ so while it alleviated Jace’s fears, it also left him floundering and wondering what to do.

“Jeez, Jace. It’s not a treasure hunt.” Simon said teasingly as he looked between his legs. “You’re supposed to have fun too, I can’t have fun for both of us.” 

“Somehow, I doubt that.” Jace shot back before experimentally curling his fingers and watching his boyfriend’s reaction. “No? Nothing?” 

“It feels good but no, probably not what you were looking for.” He said with a smile. “It does feel good though. Like, I’m not complaining.”

“Say what you want but this does feel like a treasure hunt.” Jace mumbled. “I feel like that explorer you love so much.”

“Who?” Simon asked in confusion and Jace hummed a few notes from the movie’s theme song. Simon snorted. “Oh yeah, it’s definitely a case for the world-famous archaeologist, Indiana Jones.” He said, giggling. 

“I feel like a movie on that would’ve been more helpful right now.” Jace replied. “Indiana Jones and the Hidden Prostate.” Simon giggled and Jace couldn’t help but join him and the next thing he knew they were both laughing hysterically. 

“It sounds like a badly written porno.” Simon gasped amidst his laughter. 

“A porno you would still watch because I know how hot you get for him.” Jace replied. 

“Not as hot as I get for you though.” Simon said with a wink and Jace rolled his eyes. “Maybe try harder? I won’t break, babe.” 

Jace looked up at him and Simon gave him a reassuring nod. He drove his fingers in harder and Simon made a surprised noise. 

“Yes?”

“ _Y_ _es_.”

Several long moments later when they were both spent and sweaty, Simon turned to Jace with a sly smile. “Want to put that stamina rune to the test? I’m down to go again.” He said, tracing a rune on Jace’s arm. “I kinda want to ride you. I mean, I’ve never done it but it sounds really fun.”

 _By the Angel._ Jace had barely even recovered and Simon’s words were already driving him crazy. “I thought you’d want to give it a go instead.” Jace mumbled and Simon’s eyes widened. 

“Oh. I didn’t think...I thought you’d just want to be on top.” Simon stuttered and Jace’s heart sank. 

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He said, a flush spreading across his chest and Simon grinned. 

“Jace, I have been dying to have you underneath me for weeks. I just thought you weren’t into it.” Simon said softly. 

“Why would I not be?” Jace asked in confusion. He had just witnessed Simon go wild as he drove into him, they were going to need new sheets because he’d practically ripped them apart, why would he not want to experience that as well?

“I know this is new for you but your whole ‘leather Shadowhunter’ get up screams top. You literally fuck like you’re trying to prove a point.” Simon said and Jace smirked.

“Well if I didn’t, I’d be glad to give it another go.” He said lowly, loving the hungry look in Simon’s eyes. “Now that you mention it, I do want to see you ride me. Bet you’d look so gorgeous on top of me.” Simon let out a strangled whine and Jace chuckled. 

“Yeah? You want me back in you?”

“See, you can’t just say things like that!”

“It’s a valid question, Si.” Jace said smugly as his boyfriend glared at him. “Do you want to ride me now and fuck me later or the other way around? I mean, I’m fine with either. I love the way you sound when I-“

“Okay, okay you need to stop talking before I lose control.” Simon cut in and Jace snorted. The vampire sat up and grabbed their quickly dwindling bottle of lube. 

“If we’re doing this, we need some rules.” Simon started sternly and Jace raised a brow. 

“By the Angel, Simon. I just want your dick in me not any of those…tying up, whipping things we saw at that shop.” He said warily and Simon snorted. 

“No, not like that.” He corrected with a smile. “I just wanted to say that it’s not supposed to hurt. I know you Shadowhunters have learned to get used to pain and hide emotions and all that shit but I need to know if I’m hurting you. It’ll feel like a stretch and there might be a bit of a burn but if it hurts, then I’m doing something wrong and you need to tell me.” Jace smiled at the seriousness in his boyfriend’s tone. Raziel, he adored this man. Simon’s care and concern for him never failed to make him speechless. He nodded and Simon beamed at him before shuffling between his legs.

Jace was obviously not a virgin. He had been with mundanes and Seelies alike. He knew what to do in bed, he’s very aware of his body and how to use it and yet, being with Simon felt like the first time. He expected his boyfriend to adopt the hard, fast pace he’d taken when Simon was underneath him but Simon was being unusually gentle.

“I’m not- _ah_ -not made of glass, you can- _oh fuck_ -you c-can be rough.” Jace gasped as Simon slowly rolled his hips against his.

“M-Maybe I want to take my time with you.” Simon panted, leaning down to pull him into a filthy kiss. Jace’s head swam with arousal. Every thrust unraveled him and it took an embarrassing moment to realize that the whines and pleas of pleasure were coming from him. 

“Oh no, baby. Let me hear you, you sound so good.” Simon urged as Jace turned his head to muffle his noises in the pillow. It shouldn’t have been so hot. Simon calling him ‘baby’ and carrying him like he weighed nothing shouldn’t have been so attractive and yet it was. 

Jace hooked his legs around the vampire’s waist in an attempt to pull him closer and Simon stuttered. “Should’ve guessed you’d try to be in control even when I’m topping.” Simon said with a breathless laugh. Jace opened his mouth to snap back at him but all that escaped was a moan. 

“ _S_ _-Simon!_ ”

“That’s it, babe. Just let me take care of you.” Simon growled, keeping the same slow, punishing pace. It felt like time was standing still and all that mattered was him and Simon. It felt so different from what he was used to. It sounded stupid but what they were doing here wasn’t just having sex. It felt like...like making love and the implications of that realization weighed heavily on him. He’d never felt this open, this vulnerable with anyone and it scared him. 

“Hey. Hey. What’s going on? Am I hurting you?” Simon asked in a worried tone as he brushed his fingers against Jace’s cheek and that’s when he realized he was crying. Jace shook his head. 

“N-No. I just…”

“Overwhelmed?” Simon asked gently and Jace nodded. “That’s okay. This is your first time doing this.” Jace wanted to explain that it wasn’t so much the experience but the person he was sharing it with but the words failed him. 

“Do you trust me?” Simon asked and again, Jace nodded. He didn’t even have to think about that one, he trusted Simon with his life. “Trust me to take care of you, okay? I know it’s a lot but I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Jace knew that was an empty promise. Shit happened and he wasn’t naive to the unpredictability of life but for now, at that moment, he believed him. The vampire pulled him in for another kiss and Jace willingly followed. 

The duo started up again and this time, Jace gave in. He let Simon take him apart with every thrust and every murmur of praise until he was teetering on the edge. 

“That’s it. Let go for me.” Simon whispered, his fingers lacing with Jace’s as he increased his pace. It was just what the Shadowhunter needed and he let out a soft sob as he tipped over the edge. Light exploded beneath his eyelids and he buried his face in the crook of his vampire’s neck as he rode out his release. His body went lax in the vampire’s grip and Simon swore. It only took a handful of thrusts before he was tipping over the edge as well, his hands fisting in what was left of the sheets to prevent from harming his Shadowhunter. 

Jace was vaguely aware of Simon speaking but everything still felt like he was moving through a fever dream. He could feel the vampire slip out of him and putter around the room but his body felt limp and boneless and he barely had the energy to raise his head. When he finally came to, he was underneath the duvet with Simon wrapped around him. 

The vampire was still trailing soft kisses down his neck and Jace sighed with pleasure. “Good?” Simon whispered and Jace snorted. 

“You just want me to stroke your ego.” He murmured and Simon chuckled. 

“Maybe.” He replied playfully. “Seriously though, are you okay? You scared me for a bit there.” Jace flushed with embarrassment. Now that they were out of it, he felt more than a little ashamed at his behavior. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin things.” He mumbled, avoiding Simon’s gaze. 

“Woah, hey. Nothing was ruined.” Simon interrupted. “We both had pretty spectacular orgasms, I think that’s as close to ascending as I’m ever going to get. Was it good for you?”

Jace nodded. Good was an understatement to how he felt about the whole thing. “I don’t think I want it to be a regular thing because it was a lot but it was really, really good for me.” He said shyly and Simon grinned. 

“Well if it was good for the both of us and we both had fun then nothing was ruined.” Simon said gently like it was just that simple. “I really love you fucking me so I’m okay with this being a special event. Thank you, Jace. I know how hard it is for you to be vulnerable and I’m...honored that you felt comfortable enough around me to do so.”

He didn’t know it then but if he was being honest, that was the moment he fell madly in love with his vampire.

* * *

 

Their first real fight was spurred by the appearance of Heidi. Despite the crazy vampire’s actions, Simon still chose to defend her which pissed Jace off more than anything. He understood that the bond between sires and fledglings was intense but Simon was blindly refusing to do anything about it and it was driving him crazy. He would have preferred to talk things out in private but the bitch had attacked him and Izzy and all of a sudden he had Imogen signing off orders for her to be taken to the Guard. 

Reasoning with his grandmother was no use so Jace focused all his attention on trying to handle it as delicately as possible. Having Simon involved complicated matters for everyone, most importantly the vampire himself. After the death of Valentine, Downworlders all over the world had pushed for having their voices heard and some level of autonomy from the Clave. To prevent another war, Downworlder representatives to the Clave had been chosen.

Surprising no one except the man himself, Simon had been elected the vampire representative due to his Daylighter abilities and his part in the fight against Valentine. It had been a lot of pressure on him and Simon had immediately panicked upon hearing it but he’d accepted the decision with some level of grace and was trying his hardest. Which was why he was trying to handle the issue of Heidi carefully but he should have known it would blow up in his face. 

He was lounging in bed at the Institute when Simon stormed in looking like he was on a warpath. Jace knew he’d been caught the moment he saw his boyfriend and he scrambled to fix things. 

“I was going to tell you, I swear.” He started but Simon wasn’t having any of it. 

“When? When were you going to tell me?” Simon demanded. “Last night when we celebrated being together for six months? This morning when you fucked me in the shower? Tonight?”

Jace felt guilt flash through him. They’d had dinner and Jace had put his stamina rune to good use through the night. He’d woken up with a pleasant ache and the soul-deep satisfaction that always came from being intimate with Simon. Simon had made him pancakes and they had tumbled into the shower for their _sixth?_ round until Simon regrettably had to leave for a meeting. 

“I just wanted to figure out a way that would work for both of us without ruffling feathers. It’s not like she doesn’t deserve to be put away for good.” He mumbled the last part but of course, Simon heard him loud and clear. 

“It’s not just about her, Jace!” Simon said forcefully. “It’s about the fact that Imogen tasked you specifically with turning in my fledgling and I had to hear about it from someone that wasn’t you. Jesus, do you have any idea how this looks?”

Jace felt anger surge through him at those words. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. Imogen didn’t bother hiding the Clave’s opinions of me or Alec. I got my ass handed to me because you won’t do your job-”

“My job is maintaining relations between vampires and the Clave and I look like an absolute idiot because my boyfriend is bringing in one of my own and I had no clue.” Simon interrupted harshly. “Yes, Heidi has gotten out of hand but what’s the point of me having this position if you of all people won’t be honest with me?”

Jace should have cut his losses then and either let Simon go or apologize but Imogen’s words were still ringing in his ears and the fact that Simon was making this seem like it was all his fault wasn’t helping. 

“I would be honest with you if I could trust you to do what needed to be done.” He retorted. “I know you’re her sire but she won’t stop and you’re too close to the situation to realize that she’s past saving.”

“Of course you would think that. Why am I not surprised that a Shadowhunter wants to pass immediate judgment on a Downworlder?” Simon said sarcastically and Jace growled. 

“She’s not just any Downworlder, she’s a killer and you are kidding yourself if you think she’s going to stop because of you. If she was anyone else, I would’ve staked her by now.”

“Oh, I’m so grateful.” Simon said spitefully. “Thank you so much, Mr. Herondale for your restraint.”

“You’re acting like a child. Heidi’s going to the Guard with or without your help but I am hoping that you will help.” Jace said firmly and Simon stared at him with an unreadable expression. 

“You don’t even understand why I’m upset, do you?” He said softly. “To you, this is just routine, you don’t care how this affects me.”

“Just because you’re her sire-”

“It’s not that.” Simon cut in. “I would have understood if you’d come to me and told me so we could figure something out but you didn’t. It didn’t even occur to you that the vampire representative to the Clave who also happens to be your boyfriend should be involved in a discussion where one of his own was going to be imprisoned and likely tortured if the horror stories I’ve heard are true.”

Jace faltered. He would have told Simon eventually, he just needed to have a plan first. He didn’t want to come empty-handed and he wanted to have something in place in case speaking to Simon didn’t work out. By the look on his boyfriend’s face, Simon was thinking the same. 

“You hid it from me so easily it makes me wonder what else you wouldn’t tell me.” Simon continued. “If I were the one to be brought in, would you even let me know?”

Jace stopped short. He wanted to say yes but if Simon was killing mundanes and stirring up trouble the way Heidi was, would he take that chance? 

“That’s all I needed to know.” Simon said sharply at his silence and he’d been with the vampire long enough to know that tone of voice meant he was barely holding himself together. 

“Si-”

“There are hundreds of vampires depending on me to make the decisions they can’t.” Simon said in a cold, monotonous voice. “I can’t do that if I’m constantly wondering what my boyfriend is hiding from me.” Jace’s stomach lurched at his words. 

“Simon, what are you saying?” He asked, not caring about the desperate tone his words took. 

“If I can’t trust you then what’s the point, Jace?” Simon retorted and Jace suddenly felt short of breath. 

“ _Simon_. Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t-I just wanted-Simon, _please_.” He pleaded but the vampire didn’t even flinch. 

“I have a responsibility to my people, Jace. It’s a responsibility that has to come first.” Simon said and Jace swore he felt his heart break in two. Simon gave him one last look before he turned and was gone, leaving Jace standing in his room, looking absolutely lost. 

* * *

 

The first time he saw Simon truly breakdown was a week after their breakup. He’d been wandering around the Institute, throwing himself into any and every mission in an attempt to take his mind off things. After their fight, he’d found his way to Magnus’ and all but collapsed into his parabatai’s arms. 

Alec and Magnus had listened as he poured out his heart to them, his emotions aided by Magnus’ knowledge of alcohol. Magnus had promised to talk to Simon on his behalf but he’d barely heard a word from him and he was beginning to think that it was truly over. He couldn’t bear that he would never get to hold his vampire in his arms or get to see him with his guard down so he threw himself into work. 

He was just about to go train when he got the call from Izzy. 

“Hey, Iz. What’s-”

“Get over here now. Heidi got her way and Becky’s in the hospital. His mom’s hysterical and Simon-”

“Where?” Jace asked, cutting to the chase. Izzy gave him the address and Jace rushed down there to find Simon in a state. Seeing him again after a week of silence hurt but the look of devastation on his face was enough to make him forget about it. 

“How’s Becky?” He asked, resisting the urge to pull the vampire in his arms. 

“Stable. Heidi cut her so I could lose control in front of her and mom.” Simon said dully. “I’m going to have to _encanto_ her, it’s against the Accords, I can’t-”

“One thing at a time. Firstly, where Heidi?” Jace asked. Simon shrugged. 

“Gone. I can’t think about her right now.” He said and Jace gave him a look. 

“Simon, you can’t-”

“Not now.” Simon snapped. “She’s not going to live past this, not after hurting my family but I can’t.” The venom in his tone was enough to startle Jace and he held up his hands in surrender. 

“Okay. What about Elaine?” He asked. “She can’t know about what’s going on.”

“I know.” Simon replied. “I’m going to erase her memories. All of it.” The way he said that put Jace on alert. 

“All of it?” He asked cautiously and Simon nodded. 

“It’s best if she thinks I’m dead. She already called me a monster, she wants nothing to do with me.” He said flatly. “It’s for the best. If she doesn’t know, there isn’t a breach of the Accords and the Clave won’t-”

“No.” Jace interrupted. “I’m not going to let you do that to her or to yourself.”

“It’s not really your call.”

“It’s not your call either. You can’t take those memories from her.” Jace argued. He stepped closer to him. “You told me how she crumbled when your dad died. Si, doing this will break her. You know that.”

“I thought you’d be happy.” Simon said sourly. “Emotions cloud judgment isn’t it? I thought you’d agree with the logic behind this.” Jace winced. He deserved that. It stung but he deserved it. 

“Just let me talk to her.” He pleaded. “If it doesn’t work then you can go ahead but let me talk to her.” He took one step closer to him, daring to reach out and touch him. “Si, please.” Simon stared at him before giving a curt nod and Jace breathed a sigh of relief. 

Simon directed him to a waiting room and he cautiously stepped in. Elaine was pacing with her back to him and gently tapped the wall in a knock. She turned and took a cautious step back. “P-Please don’t kill me. It’s just Becky and I, I swear I won’t say a word.” She begged and Jace’s stomach flipped. He held up his hands in surrender and slowly stepped in.

“I just want to talk, Elaine. I swear.” He said. “Simon told me what happened and I know you’re scared-”

“He’s not my son. Whatever that...monster was at my house, it was not Simon.” Elaine snapped and Jace held his tongue. 

“Elaine, you have two options here. I can tell you the truth and if you don’t like it, I can wipe your memories or you can support your son through this.” Jace said, making a hasty decision. What he was doing broke so many rules but not having his mother in his life would hurt Simon and he couldn’t bear that. Elaine said nothing so he barreled on. He told her everything. About the Shadow world, Simon’s rebirth and Heidi. 

“H-How do I know you’re telling me the truth? How do I know you won’t just kill Becky and I once we leave?” Elaine asked shakily. Jace sighed. _All or nothing._

“I can show you but only if you agree to support Simon.” He said. “I know tonight was a shock but that man out there is still the same goofy man you raised. Yes, he drinks blood now and has supernatural strength and speed but two weeks ago we had an argument about what Hogwarts house I would be in. A month ago he sat me through three hours of Lord of the Rings and then cried when Boromir died. He’s still the same person he was when we sat down for Passover dinner and I know you’re scared but until tonight, he was still the same person to you.”

Tears were dripping down her face now and Jace cautiously reached out for her hand. She flinched but didn’t pull back so he counted it as a win. “Years ago, my people used to hunt people like Simon.” He said carefully. “We thought they were monsters too, some of us still do and we would take out their fangs as trophies. We’re trying to be better than that and Simon now speaks on the behalf of every vampire in the world. I’ve seen him fight aggressively for the lives of his people, he uh...he actually broke up with me because of some stupid decisions I made because of that. He’s one of the best people I know, pulse or not and I know you know that too.” Elaine swiped at her tears and he waited patiently. He could hear footsteps behind him and he just knew that Simon was behind him. 

“What’s it going to be, Elaine?” He asked softly and she swallowed thickly. He could see the indecision on her face before her eyes hardened and she took in a deep breath. 

“I...um...I just want to know one thing.” She said, her attention focused on Simon. Jace’s heart was in his throat and he prayed that she was making the right decision. “Derrick Fisher's birthday. Clary-”

“She peed her pants and we switched clothes so no one would know.” Simon finished. “I never got invited to another party and dad said-”

“He said it would be a fun story to tell at your wedding.” Elaine said a sob. “Oh, monkey. I’m so sorry.” She said as she rushed forward and pulled him in a hug. Simon’s body shuddered as he held on tight to his mother and Jace gave a small sad smile as he watched the two. It felt like he was intruding on something and he carefully inched out of the room to give them time alone. 

“How is she?” Izzy whispered as he came out. 

“I think they’ll be okay.” He replied and Izzy gave a sigh of relief. “I think I’m going to head out, you can take care of stuff here.” Izzy gave him a pointed look but he shook his head. “Not now, Iz. Just...make sure he’s okay?” Izzy rolled her eyes before nodding and Jace felt the tension seep from him. With one last look at the hugging duo, he turned and left.

Jace frowned at the knock on the door. He’d gone back to Magnus’ because he didn't think he was needed at the hospital and being that close to Simon but being unable to touch him was torture. He’d told Alec and his parabatai had been upset but he didn’t regret a thing. Simon deserved to be happy and he’d do whatever he needed to do to ensure he was. 

He stood up and opened the door, sure it was just Alec only to stop short at the sight of his vampire. There was a moment of silence before Simon surged forward and grabbed him into a kiss. Jace stumbled back into the room at the force behind it but Simon was gripping tightly to him and he decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Simon whined and his hands tugged at Jace’s clothes. Jace pulled back only to shrug off his shirt and Simon made a noise of approval. 

“Jay, please.” Simon whimpered between kisses. He knew there was something wrong with this picture but god he missed this. They tumbled onto the bed and Jace frantically pulled at his belt. He could feel the vampire shaking underneath him and he pulled back. 

He was sniffling and there were tears trailing down his cheeks but he still grasped for Jace.

“Si? What’s wrong?” He asked in concern and Simon shook his head. 

“Nothing. Jace, please.” Simon pleaded as he clambered into the Shadowhunter’s lap. “Just fuck me. Please, I just...please.” Jace could feel his fingers shaking as he tried to undo his pants and he grabbed Simon’s wrists. 

“If you’re going to use me, the least you could do is tell me why.” He said softly and Simon let out a sob. Jace released his hands and the vampire fell on top of him. His body shook with the intensity of his tears and Jace wrapped his arms around him. 

“Shh, it’s okay baby. It’s okay. I’m right here.” He whispered as he sat up and rubbed circles on Simon’s back. He could hear the vampire whimpering something and he strained to listen. 

“S-So sc-scared. She tried to-She c-could’ve-I-I-I’m s-sorry.” He heaved and Jace shushed him. 

“It’s not your fault.” Jace said. “It’s not. Shit happens babe, it’s not your fault.” 

“Y-Yes it is.” Simon replied as he raised his head. “She a-almost-I-I tr-tried to wipe-M-M-My mom was right. I’m a m-monster.” 

“Simon-“

“I’m a m-monster. I am.” 

He dissolved into tears and Jace’s grip tightened. He knew whatever he said would go over the vampire’s head so he settled for holding him and planting the occasional kiss on his forehead. 

Simon held on tight to him as he fell apart and Jace let him. He would probably have bruises in the morning but it was worth it. Simon was worth it. He held him through his self deprecating comments and sobs until he was only sniffling into his shirt. 

“Simon, I...I adore you.” Jace said softly. It wasn’t the ‘L’ word but it was as close as he could get. “You are the furthest thing from a monster. You’re kind and strong and you love so much, Si. You...I...you make me feel like I’m worth something.” Jace said, forcing the words to come out. It made him uncomfortable but Simon needed to hear it. 

“You’re kind and compassionate and I know you hate it but that’s part of the reason why you’re the rep for vampires.” He continued. “You do your best to do right by people even when it comes at a personal cost like breaking up with me.” Simon mumbled something into his shirt and Jace pulled him back so he could hear him clearly. 

“It wasn’t…Yes, I was mad but I didn’t break up with you.” He whispered. “I…Jace, I love you. I’m madly in love with you and that’s why I was so upset.” Jace froze. Those were not the words he was expecting from his lover. He’d spent the last week berating himself and telling himself that he’d once again managed to ruin another good thing in his life and here was Simon telling him he loved him. 

“You don’t have to say it back, in fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t right now but I have to.” Simon continued, noting the way Jace tensed. “I have been crazy about you since the moment you kissed me but tonight…Jace, you gave me my family back.” His voice cracked on the last word and despite his shock, Jace instinctively made soothing sounds to calm him. 

 “Si, it’s been a long day. You don’t have-“

Simon placed a finger against his lips. “I need to say this.” He said gently. “I was upset because you didn’t feel like you needed to tell me that the Clave put out a hit on Heidi.”

“It’s not the mob-“

“Yes, it is but that’s not the point.” Simon interrupted. “I thought you didn’t trust me and I was on edge cause I was being stupid over Heidi-“

“Si-“

“And I was feeling a bit insecure because I thought you were hiding things from me and I overreacted.” Simon continued, barreling ahead. “I’m still hurt but Jace I would never…” His voice trailed off and he swallowed. “If you want to be done with this, I understand. I’ve broken so many fucking rules and I know the position it puts you in. If you need a break then I will give you as much space as you need but Jace, baby, I love you so much.” 

Hearing it still floored him and Jace blinked at his boyfriend’s words. 

“And I know I’m…I’m weak and a f-failure but I-“

“Enough.” Jace said sharply and Simon shut up. “You are none of those things. I c-can’t say it back but this week was the worst week of my life. I missed you so badly. I don’t care about the Clave or whatever rules you break. I just want to be with you.” Simon’s eyes welled up and Jace ran his hands down the vampire’s arms. “Besides, we aren’t done with Lord of the Rings and I need to know how they get that fucking ring destroyed. Also, and this sounds weird but does Legolas end up with Gimli cause the tension between the two is intense.” 

Simon gave a wet laugh and pulled him in for a kiss. Jace leaned into it, his fingers brushing away the stray tears on his boyfriend’s face. “I’m so sorry.” Simon murmured against his lips. Jace gently shushed him. He rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s and Jace drew in a deep breath. 

“What do you need?” He whispered. Simon sniffed. 

“I just want it to stop. I want to stop thinking about it.” He replied softly. “Can you just...make me forget? Please?” Jace searched his eyes for any signs of hesitation before surging forward and capturing his lips in a gentle kiss.  

The next morning saw Simon wrapped in Jace’s arms as he ate breakfast. 

“Simon. Good to see you.” Magnus said as he and Alec joined them. Simon gave a small wave. 

“Good to see you too. Um...I was...I was wondering if you could do me a favor?” Simon stuttered. 

“Of course.” The warlock replied. “I’ve got some O neg, by the way. You should feed.” Jace gently waved his wrist in the air in response to the question. 

“Jace…”

“Not now, Alec.” His parabatai responded, ignoring the look on his face. Simon guiltily looked between the two before looking at Alec.

“You’ll probably hear it from Luke but I handed her over to the wolves.” He said. “Lily wouldn’t take her and despite everything, I don’t think I could physically harm her so the wolves are our best option.”

“No, the best option is to give her to the Clave like you should have the first time.” Alec snapped. “If you hadn’t been so-“

“Alexander.”

“No, he needs to hear this.” Alec said, cutting off his boyfriend. “This was his mistake and he needs to understand-“

“I understand very clearly.” Simon interrupted. “I almost lost my family to my mistake. My sister’s in the hospital because of my mistake so I understand.” Jace placed his hand on his lower back and Simon subtly relaxed into him. “I also understand that the Clave will use her as a scapegoat for other vampires who’ve lost their way. Yes, it got out of hand but it’s contained.”

“So what you’re just going to keep her-“

“She’s dead.”

The three men blinked in surprise at his words. 

“Maia injected herself with holy water and then let Heidi bite her.” Simon continued. “It was either that or let her burn and I will not subject one of my own to that, no matter what happens.” 

The silence continued for a few more seconds before Magnus spoke up. 

“And you’re sure of that?” He asked.

“I watched her crumble with my own eyes.” He replied. The levity of that statement hit hard. Sires were extremely territorial over their own. Even Camille showed some sort of protective instinct over her fledglings. To stand by and watch as one of your own was attacked, it took a lot. 

“Lily sanctioned this?” Alec asked in surprise. 

“Like you said, it was my mistake.” Simon replied. “Lily doesn’t care what happens. The wolves have their revenge, the clan is safe and the Clave has their hands free of another problem. Everyone’s happy. Just...leave my family out of it. Please.” 

“I would never turn them in.” Alec said firmly. “I don’t approve but I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize them.” He said. Simon let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. The fate of his family had been on his mind all through and while he doubted that Alec would actually go for them, he was still on edge from the events of the last night. He gave the Shadowhunter a small nod before turning to Magnus. 

“Could you please put wards on my mom’s place? And Becky’s too?” He asked. “I don’t want what happened last night to ever happen again. I can give you some of my blood as payment. Or hair.”

“Of course. I’d be glad to.” Magnus replied with a comforting smile. 

“Wow, Si. You often pay people with your body?” Jace teased, breaking the tense atmosphere in the room. 

“You didn’t seem to care last night.” Simon teased back and Jace snorted. 

“Guys.” Alec said sternly and Jace rolled his eyes. Simon stood from his position on Jace’s lap and the duo walked to the door. 

“I need to deal with your grandmother.” Simon said, even as Jace pulled him in his arms. 

“Do you need me there?” He asked, his hands circling around the vampire’s waist. Simon shook his head. 

“It’s alright, I need to get used to dealing with her at some point.” He murmured, reaching up to run his hands through the blonde’s hair. “You just keep yourself safe, okay?” 

“No promises.” Jace replied cheekily and Simon gave him a look. “I’m kidding, I’ll be safe. I promise.” He leaned in for a kiss and Simon melted into it. The duo hummed into the kiss and Jace’s hands wandered down to Simon’s waist. 

“Later?” Simon whispered as they broke away. Jace nodded enthusiastically. They pulled away from each other and Jace brushed away the hair from his vampire’s eyes. 

“Junk food and Disney movies when I get back?” 

“You know it.”

Simon leaned in to plant a kiss on his cheek before opening the door. “Love you!” He called as he sped off. Jace flushed and closed the door. He wandered into the kitchen to meet Alec and Magnus with raised brows. 

“Shut up.” 

* * *

 

Simon kept telling his Shadowhunter he loved him. He said it through texts, when they were in bed, when they were hanging out, when he left, any chance he got to remind his blonde that he was crazy over him, he took it. He didn’t think Jace would ever say it back and while sometimes it stung, he didn’t mind. Simon loved with everything in him, he wasn’t going to turn it off now just because his partner had issues with vulnerability. 

He knew Jace had strong feelings for him but he didn’t realize how strong till he nearly died. He’d gone on a trip to London because he’d gotten a fire message from the head of the London clan saying someone was attacking members of his clan. He didn’t trust Shadowhunters to help, Evelyn Highsmith’s attitude towards Downworlders trickled down to everyone beneath her and he didn’t think it would be that much of a big deal. 

It wasn’t until he was captured by Circle members that he began to rethink his decisions. He thought they were just going to kill him but they’d tortured him instead, binding him with silver and injecting him with substances that made him scream in pain. It must have been a couple of days till he was rescued and by then he was hanging on by a thread. 

He opened his eyes to the familiar walls of Magnus’ loft and groaned. His body felt stiff, like he hadn’t moved in days and there was a heavy weight on his chest. He looked down to see the blonde hair of his Shadowhunter and smiled. He slowly carded through the man’s hair and Jace woke up with a start. 

He looked up to see his boyfriend’s smiling face and had to fight back tears of relief. “Welcome back.” He said shakily and Simon hummed in agreement. Jace moved upwards till his face was tucked in the crook of Simon’s neck and his hands were securely around the vampire’s waist. 

“What happened?” Simon croaked, his voice dry from disuse. Jace frowned at the sound of his voice and held his wrist to his mouth. Simon’s fangs automatically dropped and he glanced at his boyfriend to make sure it was okay before biting down. Jace instantly went lax and let out a soft sigh as his vampire fed. 

“Jace.”

Simon blinked blearily to see Izzy standing in front of him with a horrified expression on her face. He immediately let go and Jace turned to glare at whoever had interrupted them. “Go away, Iz.” He grumbled, burying his face in Simon’s shirt. 

“No, I’m not letting you try to drain yourself again for Simon’s sake.” She snapped and Simon’s eyes widened. 

“Wait, what? Drain himself?” He asked in shock but Izzy ignored him. She stuck her head through to call for Magnus, Alec and Clary and Simon wriggled into a seating position. The warlock and his boyfriend came rushing in and Simon blinked in confusion. 

“Why do you look so panicked? Also, is anyone going to explain Jace trying to drain himself?” Simon questioned, looking down at his boyfriend who was stubbornly refusing to meet his gaze. Clary hesitantly sat on the bed next to him, her eyes welling up with tears. 

“Si, you almost died.” She said softly. Memories of being tortured and beaten came to him and he instinctively flinched. Jace held on closer to him and the presence of his boyfriend helped to calm him down. 

“Okay.” Simon said, his voice breaking. “Um...I’m guessing it was Circle members?” Clary nodded. 

“They killed members of the London clan to draw you in. The clan had no idea.” Alec stated. “When you went missing, they told the Institute but they didn’t tell us. It wasn’t until Jace started freaking out that we figured something was wrong.” Jace wasn’t speaking but he could feel the blonde tensing up and Simon gently ran his hand down his back. 

“How long? I kinda blanked out after a while.” Simon asked plainly. 

“They had you for 3 days but you’ve been out for about a week now.” Magnus replied. 

“And Jace has been nearly draining himself to keep you alive.” Izzy muttered. Simon turned to his boyfriend. Jace pursed his lips and the two glared at each other before Jace spoke up. 

“You heal better with Angel blood and I’m not going to apologize for keeping you alive.” He snapped. Simon shook his head with exasperation.

“We’ll circle back to that later but for now, what are we going to do about the Clave? Because they’re going to expect a report from me and my memories are very hazy.” Simon asked. “I’m going to have to go back to London-”

“No.”

He was cut off by his boyfriend’s voice and Simon looked down at him. Jace was pushing himself off his chest and flat out glaring at him.

“I’m not letting you go back to-”

“Letting me?” Simon asked with disbelief. “You’re not ‘letting me’ do shit. It’s my job, Jace.”

“Well maybe it shouldn’t be.” Jace mumbled and Simon blinked in shock. The other occupants in the room shared wary glances and Magnus subtly gestured for them to leave. Simon took no notice, all his attention was fixed on his boyfriend. 

“Because I got attacked? It’s part of the job, I knew what I was getting into when I accepted.” Simon said, bitterness creeping into his voice. “And it’s not like you weren’t egging me on.”

“That was before this.” Jace replied. 

“Oh?” Simon said sarcastically. “How does it feel being on the other side of the bed, Jace? Do you know how many times I’ve sat where you’re sitting and had to hold off from begging you to quit?”

“That’s different.” 

“Why? Cause you’re a Shadowhunter? What, only Raziel’s children can be trusted to protect the Shadow world?” 

“Because I’m expendable!”

Simon stopped short at the hysteria in Jace’s voice. His Shadowhunter was sitting across from him and everything about his body posture was screaming distress. 

“I’m a Shadowhunter. We don’t exactly have the promise of a long life, I know this.” Jace continued. “We all know that. You, on the other hand…” His voice trailed off and Simon reached out to hold him. Jace backed away and Simon fought down the pain from that small action. 

Jace swallowed thickly before continuing. “I’ve never been that scared before.” He said shakily. “I thought you were dead. They were poisoning you, Magnus said you might not pull through and I just...lost it. We were supposed to transfer the Circle members to Idris but I wasn’t going to let them live after what they’d done to you. I told Highsmith that if you didn’t pull through I’d kill her myself and when Magnus said you needed pure blood, I was ready to drain myself if it meant you being safe.”

“That’s the last thing I want.” Simon said firmly. “No matter how bad things are, I never want you putting your life on the line like that. You know that.”

“I didn’t care. I still don’t.” Jace replied with a helpless shrug. “If it came down to me or you, I’d pick you every time. I should’ve said it the moment you told me but I love you, Simon Lewis. More than anything.” 

Once again, Simon was left shocked by his boyfriend’s words. Jace was avoiding his gaze and Simon carefully inched closer to him. 

“I’ve loved you from the moment you took me on our first ‘outing’ and I should’ve said it but I was scared because I destroy everything I’ve ever loved and I thought if I admitted it I would destroy you too.” Jace continued, fiddling with the sheets and blinking away the burn in his eyes. “And then you went missing and my stupid insecurities didn’t seem to matter because maybe you were dead somewhere and I’d never gotten to tell you how much I love you.” 

Jace looked up at him then and Simon couldn’t stop himself from reaching over and brushing away his boyfriend’s tears. “Being a Shadowhunter is great but honestly, I would’ve taken being deruned if it meant having you back.” Jace stated. It was true. None of his abilities mattered when he’d been frantic with worry. “There’s a chance I might be anyway, Evelyn snitched and Imogen has ‘requested’ my presence.”

“Fun.” Simon said in a deadpan tone and Jace made a noise of agreement. “You are not expendable, Jace and your insecurities aren’t stupid. It’s okay that you hadn’t said it yet.”

“I wanted to.” Jace said quietly. “I should’ve and all through last week, all I could think of was that we were supposed to have more time. Time to go on as many road trips as we want, time to watch all your mundie tv shows, time for a life together.” Simon moved to wrap his arms around him and Jace let himself lean into it. 

“You c-can’t leave me.” Jace said into Simon’s shirt. “Everyone leaves. If I lose you I won’t survive it.” 

“I won’t.” Simon replied gently and Jace shook his head. 

“You can’t say that.”

“Jace-”

“You can’t!” Jace yelled. “People are going to keep coming for you, y-you can’t promise that.” Simon pulled back and tilted Jace’s face upwards. His Shadowhunter’s face was streaked with tears and his eyes were red and puffy. 

“Okay. Okay, I can’t promise that.” Simon said, brushing away Jace’s tears. “But, I can promise to fight to come back to you. Always. No matter what happens, I’ll do everything I can to make sure that I do.”

Jace nodded and Simon pressed his lips against the blonde’s forehead. “You gotta promise me something too though.” He continued, pulling back and looking Jace straight in the eyes. “You need to be there when I do. I can’t fight to come back to you if you’re dead so you need to promise me that you’ll be there when I do. Sound fair?” Jace nodded and Simon wrapped him in a hug. 

The door creaked open and Clary popped her head in. “Everything okay?” She asked and they nodded. She opened the door fully and everyone flooded back in. Simon rested against his boyfriend and sighed contently as he was surrounded by his family. 

* * *

 

Proposing to Simon, like everything in Jace’s life, went completely wrong. He wanted to marry the vampire, he’d already asked Elaine for her blessing and she’d burst into tears before eagerly nodding. He’d snuck into his family home and fished out the ‘Herondale’ family ring because fuck it, if he was going to ask Simon to be with him for the rest of his life, he was going to do it right. 

He’d asked Clary for advice and she had come up with the silliest concept of making a mini-comic book of their story and asking Simon to marry him at the end. 

He loved it. 

So, yeah he had a plan but then he’d gone ahead and ruined it anyway. They’d taken a road trip to the beach and had a little picnic. Simon had brought his portable speakers and the two were listening to his boyfriend’s weird playlist while a small bonfire blazed in the background. Looking back, Jace could actually pinpoint what made him put his foot in his mouth. 

Simon loved music. He loved playing his guitar, writing his own songs and listening to others as well so it wasn’t a surprise when he used that to woo Jace. It had started small, just Simon messaging him links that he thought the Shadowhunter might like, then it moved to links with sappy love songs that made him roll his eyes but also blush and then it had revved up to actually writing songs about him. 

Simon never explicitly said so but their relationship was well known to both Shadowhunters and Downworlders, especially after Jace had been attacked by some rogue vampires and Simon had torn them apart, and there wasn’t any other blonde in Simon’s life so they had to be about him. 

_So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me_

_Cause you might fuck around and find your dreams come true with me_

_Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free_

_So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me_

_It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me_

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he sang along and Jace couldn’t help but smile. His hair was perfectly tousled and the light from the nearby fire perfectly illuminated his features. Jace had never been more in love which was what he meant to say. He wanted to tell Simon how beautiful he was and how glad he was that they could share this moment together. Unfortunately, his brain hadn’t gotten that memo because the words he blurted out were ‘Marry me’.

Simon snapped to attention and he stared at his Shadowhunter. “I...What??” He squeaked and Jace panicked. 

“Fuck. Fuck. This isn’t-I swear I had better plans, can I just get a redo?”

“Wait, you actually want to do this again? There were plans??”

“Well, yeah.” Jace replied, slightly offended. “Clary was going to draw a thing and we had tickets to a thing and you know what, let’s just...pretend I didn’t just say that and we can stick to the original timeline.”

Simon chuckled. “Okay, you get a redo but uh...if this was how you were gonna ask me…..w-what would you have said?” He asked nervously. Jace flushed. He almost wanted to refuse but Simon was anxiously picking at his shirt and avoiding his gaze and he knew he had to say something. He sighed and his mind went to the ring in his pocket that he constantly carried around with him. 

“Well I didn’t have stuff written down or anything but uh, i-if I did plan on proposing right now, I’d start by saying how much I love you.” Jace stammered. “How I love everything about you actually. I love how emotional you get over your mundie movies. I love how you freak out over your...dorky superheroes.”

“Spiderman’s not a dork.” Simon mumbled and Jace gave him a look. 

“We both know he is but moving on.” He said pointedly and Simon playfully rolled his eyes. “I love how expressive you are. I always know where I stand with you and I can’t tell you how refreshing that is when you’ve constantly been lied to most of your life. I love how we can’t have sex to music anymore because you always sing along.”

“I just really like Robin Thicke.” Simon muttered sullenly and Jace couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” He replied, laughing harder at the glare Simon sent his way. He reached out to pull Simon closer and the vampire went willingly. “I love how you love people. You love hard and even though you tend to have blinders on when it comes to people you care about, you never give up on them.” It was getting a bit more personal now and Jace took in a deep breath.

“I...I love how you love me.” He said quietly. “I love how you’ve never seen me as Valentine’s son or as the Shadowhunter who killed multiple Downworlders or as the person who made you a Daylighter or the Clave’s best weapon. Valentine always told me that love only brought pain and I believed that until you came along. You cared for me without expecting anything in return and I just...I want to give you everything. I know it’s not a glamourous offer b-but I want everything with you. I want the good and bad days, I want the sappy songs, I want…” Jace swallowed. “I w-want the sleepless nights from o-our kids, I want the rest of my life with you, Lewis.”

Simon’s breath caught in a sob and he was suddenly tugging the Shadowhunter into a deep kiss. “Y-Yeah?” Jace breathed against his lips and Simon nodded frantically.

“Yes. I-I want that too, I never wanted anything as badly as I want you.” He confessed, unable to wipe the smile from his face even as tears trickled down his cheeks. “I-Is this why Magnus keeps giving me weird looks during council meetings?”

Jacee groaned. Of course, his parabatai told Magnus, Alec couldn’t keep a fucking thing to himself without letting his husband know. “Alec has disrespected the parabatai code of secrecy for the last time.” He said gruffly and Simon giggled tearfully. Jace fished the ring out of his pocket and bent on one knee. 

“Might as well do this right if I’m asking.” He said ruefully, watching as Simon struggled to hold back his tears. “Simon Lewis, these past two years have been the best of my life and I desperately want to experience the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honor of being my husband?”  

“Yes.” Simon choked out. “Yes, yes, yes.” 

He went in for another kiss which quickly turned to them yanking at each other’s clothes. “Van?” Jace suggested against his lips and Simon eagerly nodded. He hooked his arms underneath Simon’s legs and carried him back to the van, his lips never leaving his boyfr- _f_ _iancée._ **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! I know it ends a little abruptly but I kept writing and rewriting this chapter and I finally wanted to just put it out there. There are lots of things skipped like their first break up and the wedding but I really like the moments I've chosen to highlight here. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I did. I got into the Shadowhunter fam pretty late (like 3 months before it ended) but I really really loved the show and the characters. Simon and Jace as a pairing really appeals to me and they have such cute moments through the show that it's not hard to ship them together. Thanks again and enjoy!
> 
> P.S The song Simon is singing is 'Not a Bad Thing' by Justin Timberlake and I think it is the perfect song to address Jace and his fears.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I've been reading waay too many Jimon fics and these two were made for each other and no one can tell me different. I hope people like this, it's been a struggle rewatching the episodes and trying to pick moments where I could include Jimon scenes. If no one's interested then I might just leave it as is. Thanks for reading.


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